MerDer: Make Your Heart Feel

Break Your Own Heart.

The song above hella reminds me of them.

Meredith's POV:

His blue eyes tear into mine, the air thick with tension crackles all around us. The silence is thick like fog, and we are drowning in it as we wait for someone to make a decision. My hand is still gently stroking his face and this feeling is the only thing keeping me grounded as I wait for him to decide.

"Meredith," He begins reaching for my hand and gently removing it from his face "I can't be with you"

"Oh." I manage to stutter out my heart feeling like it is ripping at the seams before her finishes his thought.

"Not until we talk" he smiles at me very slightly, "If we have sex before we talk about what happened we will never fix the problem that caused all this in the first place"

"I will do whatever you want me to do, I will do anything" I offer searching his eyes for any signs that he still feels for me like he used too.

It's there, the love, its dim and it flickers ever so slightly but it is there. I just need to find a way to fix this, to prove to him that I love him, that we are worth all this trouble. I need to prove that I am willing to put the work in.

"I have a proposal" he says refocusing my attention, "Why don't we go upstairs, I will find you a change of clothes and you can take a shower get all warmed up and then we can talk okay?"

"That sounds nice" I smile at him gently as he takes my hand and leads me up the stairs to his bedroom.

I stand there shirtless, feeling awkward as he ruffles around in his drawers for something for me to wear. I look around the room trying to push away the flood of memories that assaults all my senses. This room is full to the brim with memories, and at this moment it is hard to think about them without becoming emotional. Every late-night conversation ever, all the nights spent making love that ended in us falling asleep in each others arms haunts me knowing that I potentially could have messed it up.

"You will definitely be swimming in them, but they are all I can find" He says handing me a shirt and a pair of flannel pj pants.

"Thank you" I say sincerely as our eyes lock.

He reaches out his hand as if to brush his fingers through my hair, but pulls his hand back, "I will be downstairs, meet me down there when you are done. Take all the time you need"

I just nod my head and watch as he goes. Once he is out the door I peel my still wet clothes from my skin and tossing them in the laundry hamper. I walk into the bathroom stepping into the shower and turning the heat on high. For a moment, I am hit with memories of him joining me, surprising me by silently slipping in and wrapping his arms around my waist, but I know there will be no such thing happening tonight.

I sigh reaching for his shampoo washing my hair and rinsing it quickly, trying my best to make this a quick shower. I lather up with his body wash the scent assaulting my nostrils. I finish up quickly and get out drying off and slipping his clothes on. They smell so much like him that it makes me dizzy. I make my way downstairs only to find him on the couch, a shirt now pulled over his head, and two steaming mugs on the coffee table in front of him.

"I knew they would be too big for you" he laughs lightly, the sound music to my ears as it has been forever since I heard it.

I sit down beside him and try not to be offended when he inches away from me. He hands me a cup and I hold it tightly in my hands, blowing the steam across. I take a small sip, not caring that it burns my tongue before setting it down knowing the dreaded conversation that is about to transpire.

Derek's POV:

I have to really fight the urge to reach out and hold her hand, or stroke her cheek. I know that I need to be strong in this, that I need answers before we can even try to be together. I don't want to have this conversation, I know that it is going to hurt the both of us, but it needs to happen.

"I need to know your thought process, I need to know why you felt the need to tell me that you don't love me" I begin with a hard hitting one right away.

"It sounds so stupid" she says shaking her head, "I honestly thought that if I broke up with you they would let you keep your job, I thought if I told you I didn't love you it would make things easier, you would get a clean break"

"Okay..." I say steeling myself for the next question. "Did you mean it? When you said you didn't love me"?

"Oh god, Derek" she exclaims tears springing to her eyes, "No I didn't mean it, not even in the slightest way. I love you, please you have to believe me."

"If you really loved me how come you moved on so quickly" I ask my voice slightly argumentative.

"I waited for you. I came back the next day to fix things and you were gone." She argues back. "I waited on your front porch for day Derek. I called a thousand times. I know I fucked up, big time. But you can't blame this all on me, you never even called me. Why didn't you try harder? You just left"

"Your right, we are both wrong, I'm sorry" I relent and there is a glimmer of hope in her eyes, but I have one more question.

"Did you sleep with him?" I implore my voice quiet knowing that this is the make or break question.

"Derek please" she begs and it is obvious that this question is one that she doesn't want to answer.

"Meredith, just answer the question" I snap, instantly regretting the forceful tone of my voice.

She is barely able to nod yes before completely breaking down, sobs wracking her entire body. I have never witnessed another person break down this way, and I feel terrible, for forcing this conversation. She gasps for air and for a moment I am worried that she actually might not be able to breathe. There is something so devastating about the scene in front of me, something that makes my heart ache in my chest. It is then that it hits me, she hurt me yes, took a piece of me. What she did to herself was much worse. Meredith Grey may have deeply hurt my pride and my feelings, but she broke her own heart.

A/N: I know it doesn't make much sense for Meredith to play the hurt one when she is the one who broke up with him but I think it is important to look at things through her point of view. She honestly thought that she was doing what was best for him