MerDer: Make Your Heart Feel

Break Like Glass

Derek's POV:

My heart feels heavy in my chest as I drive her home. Her watered down green eyes refuse to meet mine and I know that I have fucked up. I didn't kiss her, I didn't even entertain the idea of wanting to. Yet, there is guilt running rampant through my veins. I let the apologies flow from my mouth, unsure of the right words to say.

"Meredith, please, I love you." I beg reaching a shaky hand across the space between us only to pull it back.

"Sometime love isn't enough" she sighs, and I hope to god she doesn't mean what I think she means.

"Please look at me" I implore my voice breaking slightly as I pull into our drive way turning off the car and looking at her with conciliatory eyes.

"I can't" she chokes the words out like she is spitting up acid and she wastes no time in getting out of the car.

I quickly follow her, needing to know how I can fix this. She walks straight into the kitchen opening and closing cupboards loudly as she gets a glass of water. She drinks the water in big gulps before slamming down the empty glass. Much to our surprise the glass shatters upon contact causing clear fragments to bounce all around the kitchen.

"God dammit!" she yells burying her face into her free hand as she opens the hand that enclosed the glass revealing tiny red speckled shards protruding from her skin.

I don't hesitate in rushing to her side, ignoring he crunch of glass under my shoes. She whimpers in pain as I take her injured hand gingerly in mine to inspect the damage. None of the nicks seem too deep but there are a few shards stuck in the soft flesh of her palm.

"Sit down, I'll go get the first aid kit" I instruct running my fingers through her hair and pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

Our fighting seems to be put on hold as I sit beside her, first aid kit in hand. "This might sting" I say softly as I take her hand in mine, turning her palm upwards. She grits her teeth and buries her face in my neck as I take a pair of tweezers and begin picking out each individual shard. She winces with each removal, but Meredith is tough and I know she can handle it.

She breathes out a sigh of relief as I pull out the last shard, but I regretfully inform her that the pain isn't over quite yet. I take a gauze pad and sprits it with some hydrogen peroxide before looking at her apologetically, "This is really going to hurt"

"Are you ready?" I ask, and she nods her head nervously.

I press the soaked gauze against her torn and pierced flesh, and I can't help but flinch as she whimpers in pain. "We are almost done Mer" I reassure her as I pat the gauze gently against her skin.

I pull out some bandaging supplies and begin patching up her hand, the cuts are not that deep and definitely don't need stitches. However, there are a generous amount and I know that it must hurt terribly. She looks at me and for a moment the anger of today's event has faded and been replaced with love.

"Thank you" she whispers as I finish wrapping her hand.

Our eyes lock and the world seems to fade away as she leans towards me, her lips touch mine softly, as if she is unsure. Neither of us make a move to deepen the kiss, there is still so much tension in the air, so much dissonance between us. But for a moment we let our lips collide, just savoring the quiet and the happiness before we have to have a conversation we both dread having.

She pulls away with a content sight, but the moment that our eyes connect the peace is over. She pulls out of my arms turning her face away from me as she lets out an emotionally shaky breath. I push some stray blond hairs behind her ear and try not to feel offended when she flinches.

She stands up abruptly and begins pacing around the room. The light crunching sound that reverberates through the kitchen with every step she takes makes me flinch. I stand up as well running my fingers through my hair as I wait for her to say something.

"I am not mad at you" she sighs heavily turning to look at me but keeping her distance.

I swallow hard trying to push the lump in my throat back down as I wait for her to continue, "I know it wasn't really your fault... but it doesn't make it hurt less."

"I am so sorry Mer, I should have listened when you told me you had concerns about her behavior." I apologize moving nearer to her.

"I forgive you, I don't want to be mad at you" she says and while she doesn't move away from me her body language screams don't touch me.

"Just tell me what I can do to fix this, to ease your pain" I beg, the need to touch her overwhelming me.

"Just trust me, when I tell you how I feel about someone or something you need to start believing me." She says her voice jumping a few octaves.

"Okay, I can do that." I nod my head offering her a smile.

She smiles back lightly in reassurance, but the smile soon turns to a grimace as she lets out a low groan. One of her hands grips the edge of the counter tightly her knuckle turning white as the other presses firmly against her stomach. Her eyes squeeze tightly, more out of discomfort than pain and I reach my hand forward, hoping to provide a comforting touch.

The hand that is on her belly strikes out gripping me by the wrist, and for a moment I suspect that she is going to push me away. Instead she pulls me nearer taking my hand and pressing its palms tightly against the right side of her bump. I look at her in question when all of a sudden it hits me. I mean that literally, whether it be a foot or a hand I feel it hit my hand.

I look at my wife in amazement as I feel it again, this time a strong and definite kick. All of the day's trouble and turmoil do not matter in the slightest as we look at each other, eyes filled to the brim with love. Up until this moment, it didn't feel real to me. Now, it feels more than real. That is my baby in there, my daughter moving around and kicking her legs.

"That our baby" I mutter in reverie as I press both of my palms against her stomach.

"That's our daughter" she nods her head tears of happiness spilling from her eyes.

I pull her tightly against me, kissing every inch of her face before settling on her lips. There is so much love pushed into that one kiss that I swear I might explode. We pull away our foreheads resting together as we drink in the moment. Our pure unadulterated happiness has completely eclipsed all of today's pain and I know that no matter what happens, no matter what we go through, we are going to make it through. That we love each other too much, almost an unhealthy amount. It may be messy and dangerous, and we will hurt each other. Repeatedly, again and again, but it is never going to matter. Because we may break like the glass that is currently scattered all around our kitchen, but we will always find a way to pick up the pieces. We will find a way to put ourselves back together.