MerDer: Make Your Heart Feel

Emptiness Inside of Me.

Meredith's POV:

I am able to hold myself together during the cab ride home, most likely due to the fact that I didn't want to breakdown in front of a total stranger, but the minute I am alone in the elevator I disintegrate into a puddle of tears and heart ache. The look in his blue eyes when I lied and told him I don't love him haunts me, making it hard to breath.

I step out of the elevator making my way to my apartment my vision blurred by tears. I am almost to my door when just to my luck Izzy comes out of her apartment. The look of guilt on her face says it all. Up to this moment I had my suspicions but wasn't sure that she was the one who went and talked to the Dean, but now it is obvious.

"You did this" I look at her tears still flowing but my voice steely and cold.

"Meredith, I-I thought" she begins stuttering at the awkwardness of the situation but I cut her off.

"You thought what? Thought that I was sleeping with him for a grade? Thought he was abusing his power? What could you have possibly thought that made you think it was okay to go expose my personal business without discussing it with me first?" I rant angrily my voice rising higher with each rhetorical question I ask.

"I just... I thought that it gave you an advantage, I wanted to make sure that everything was graded fairly" She says bashfully her eyes pinned to the floor.

"Well you ruined two lives today for nothing. A good man might lose his job today all because you don't know how to mind your own business" I say turning to unlock the door but instead I turn around having one more thing to say "He never once gave me an advantage, every grade I received in my class I earned, not by sleeping with him but by studying and hard work. If your grades were shitty it's probably because you didn't care enough about them in the first place"

I don't give her a chance to say anything more, instead I open my door walking in and slamming it closed collapsing against it the tears flowing again, harder than before if that is even possible. I feel a set of slime arms wrap around me and I instantly relax into Cristina's arms. She has never seen me this way before, so I know she must be feeling a little flustered by it all, but still she just lets me cry let me feel all the things I need to feel before talking about it.

"I left Derek" I manage to hiccup out once my crying has died down a bit.

"Why? Tell me the whole story" she says standing up and pulling me to my bed where I collapse into a heap of emotions and stress.

"Izzy went and told the Dean about me and Derek" I say my voice sounding foreign and empty to my own ears. "We knew people would find out eventually, we weren't hiding anymore... but I think she made it seem like he treated me better because of it"

"So, that bastard broke up with you to save his own ass?" Cristina asks and I can hear the anger in her voice.

"Oh god no..." I say the tears beginning to flow again. "I left him, I thought that if we broke up he would have a better chance of keeping his job"

Once the words leave my mouth I realize how stupid my reasoning is, how in actual reality it doesn't make any second, but in my heart I know that I can't take it back. The minute I told him that I didn't love him it was over, now there is nothing I can do to fix it and I know that I just lost the one good thing in my life.

Derek's POV:

The moment she walked out the front door I felt empty. An indescribable kaleidoscope of emptiness that there is no way one could possibly fill. All the pain and anguish that filled my body as she was telling me that she never loved me at all seemed to vanish the moment that my front door closed behind her, like a star turning into a black hole now there is nothing.

I thought about just going to bed, just lying there surrounded by my own emptiness, but the thought of being in that bed where just the night before we made passionate love makes me ill. So instead I decide to walk down to the little bar where I used to spend my time before this entire mess transpired.

Joe greets me like I am a long lost prodigal son, finally coming back home after wasting his life away. Funny is that is almost exactly how I feel, like I wasted my time falling in love with a woman who only pretended to love me. For what? I don't know, but at this moment I am too drunk to think of a reason why Meredith Grey could have possibly broken up with me other than her truly never loving me.

"Can I buy you a drink?" comes a sweet voice from the left of me, breaking me from my thoughts.

My head whips to the side to see the person who this voice is coming from. Everything about this woman is the exact opposite of Meredith, even the voice. Don't get me wrong, Meredith's voice was sweet music to my ears, but it always had a slight rasp to it a quality that I almost crave now listening to this woman talk.

She is about the same height, but with more pronounced curves. Her dark brown hair and her dark brown eyes are striking different to Meredith's blonde tresses and gleaming jade irises. I relish in the differences, I don't think I could stand to be reminded of Meredith anymore tonight. I smile at her and ask her to sit.

The conversation is light, she seems nice, but by this point I am so tipsy that she could have devil horns and I probably wouldn't even notice. I look at her, wondering what harm could come from me bringing her home with me. It is obvious by the way she bites her lip anxiously that that is the reason she approached me in the first place and I find myself wondering if this woman, who is so wonderfully the exact opposite in every way to the woman who broke my heart, is enough to fill the emptiness inside of me.

A/N: I know ya'll are probably so confused with all the ups and downs, but I don't want things to get boring and a break up was the only way I could think of to change the story up. I have hope for them (obviously they are meant to be) so don't worry too much!