MerDer: Make Your Heart Feel

Life with you.

Meredith's POV:

I try as quietly as I can to slip into Dr. Burke's classroom. I open the door slowly tiptoeing in and shutting it silently. I look around and no one has noticed my entrance, but seeing as though my seat is at the very front my entrance does not go unnoticed.

"Ah Grey, how nice of you to join us" he says feigning niceness his eyes cold and calculating.

"Sorry I am late sir" I apologize quickly and awkwardly taking my seat beside Cristina.

"Do you have a valid excuse as to why you are twenty minutes late to my class" he asks leaning up against his desk and giving me a smug look.

"Dr. Shepherd held me after class sir, he said he would email you." I look at him trying to hide the guilt in my voice.

"Ahh, something tells me that you are a teacher's pet Grey" he teases.

I don't say a word swallowing heavily and looking at Cristina out of the corner of my eye, she just shrugs her shoulders but there is a knowing smirk on her face that instantly makes me uncomfortable.

"Well you may be Shepherds favorite, but you certainly are not mine, so next time Shepherd thinks that he can just email me and all is forgotten it isn't going to work." He narrows his eyes at me and I feel my cheeks blush under his intense stare "but I will let it slide this time, don't be late to my class again Grey"

He turns around going back to his teaching and I look at Cristina with wide eyes

"Well what did you expect, you can't sleep your way into every teacher's good graces" she whispers just low enough for me to hear her.

"What are you talking about" I whisper back stumbling over my words.

"Don't act like I am an idiot Mer, you are screwing Dr. Shepherd and god knows what other teacher" she whispers and there is a hint of betrayal in her voice.

I don't say anything. Instead I pull out my notebook and begin copying down notes that Dr. Burke is currently writing on the board. I try to keep a tough unaffected exterior but internally I am freaking out.

She knows, Cristina knows that Derek and I are sleeping together, oh god what do I do about this, I can't just openly admit it, but if she says she knows than I can't deny it either. I am stuck in the middle of this impossible situation, I shouldn't lie to her but what does admitting to the truth even accomplish.

The bell rings signaling class over and I quickly grab all of my stuff and rush out the door before Cristina can begin questioning me.

"Mer wait up!" I hear her yell but I pretend like I don't hear her.

"Meredith, stop!" she yells as she catches up to me grabbing my arm to stop me.

"What do you want Cristina?" I beg looking at her with pleading eyes.

"I want you to be honest with me" she says her brown eyes sad.

"I am not sleeping with Shepherd, are you happy?" I say my voice quiet and angry.

She looks at me hurt evident in her eyes, she knows I am lying, she knows it and I know it.

"I thought we didn't lie to each other" she says before turning and storming away.

She is write, I have never before lied to her. But that's what I am now a liar. I am lied to her about sleeping with shepherd. And I am lying to myself and shepherd by not telling him how I truly feel. Well I may not be able to tell Cristina the truth, but Derek? I can tell him the truth.

Derek's POV:

I look up at the clock on my office wall and I can't help but smile knowing that she will be here any minute, I have become so used to being with her twenty-four seven that the separation feels odd. I hear my door open and I look up smiling expecting to see her smiling back at me. My smile soon fades as I see the look of fear on her face.

"Mer what's wrong? Are you okay?" I ask standing up from my desk chair.

"I love you" she says her eyes widening in shock at her own word.

I look at her shocked as well and walk around my desk to be nearer to her.

"I-I love you... I do. I just, I-I-I love you" she stutters stumbling over her words.

"Meredith" I smile at her feeling my chest about ready to explode.

"I have been trying not to say it" she says a mixture of happiness and fear on her face.

"I am so in love with you" she says her voice low and I take this moment to reach for her pulling her tightly into me.

"I can't think about anything or anybody..." she continues to ramble her voice thick with emotions, " and I can't sleep, and I can't breathe. I just love you all the time, every minute of every day."

I cut off her rambling by pressing my lips against hers, I instantly feel her melt like putty in my hands and I know that there is something so special about this kiss. This kiss is like the first kiss, the right kiss and I know that I don't ever want to kiss another woman. For the rest of my life these are the lips that I can imagine myself kissing.

She pulls back her eyes shining with happiness. I stroke her cheek gently with my thumb and just breathe in the moment. I try to commit everything to memory, the way her blond hair is pulled back a few strands falling down and the way her green eyes mirror every emotion that I currently feel. This is it, this is the moment in my life that I was waiting for.

"I love you Meredith Grey, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you" I say earnestly my heart beating heavily in my chest.

She smiles up at me sweetly before pressing her lips against mine once more.

"And I want to spend the rest of my life with you" she echoes my words.

It was never supposed to work out this way, there are so many instances where this relationship should have tanked, and still so many reasons why we shouldn't be together. There are still so many things that could go wrong. All of that seems so trivial in this moment because I know that regardless of what happens, we are in this together.