Gilmore Girls: More in the Life

Chapter 80

Jess looked at Natalie across the table, digesting the bombshell she just dropped on him.

She wanted kids, but not biological kids. Natalie wanted to become foster parents and adopt children who needed homes.

On one hand, Jess was amazed at his wife's ability to care so deeply for others. On the other, the thought of adopting at-risk kids who have been exposed to only God knows what was terrifying.

"I don't know, Nat. That's a huge decision."

"I know. But I also know that there are kids all over the country who need homes and parents to care for them. It would be easy to decide against this and opt for the traditional route but why add a child to a world when there are already so many who have no one?"

"It isn't quite as easy as you make it sound. There are a lot of things to consider. First, living arrangements. Would we keep this apartment or look for a house in the suburbs? Are you going to be specific with ages or would you be willing to accept an older teen? Girl or boy? What issues are you willing to tackle and which are deal breakers?"

Natalie sat silently while she debated all that Jess brought up. After several minutes, she leaned forward and reached for Jess' hand. "I know there is a lot to consider. I know there will be days we question our sanity and may even wish to go back in time and undo it. But think of those days when a child gets to come home to a clean, safe house and not have to worry whether he or she gets to eat dinner that night. Or if the foster home will ask that he or she be moved again because the parents are frustrated. There will be adjustments. There will be various doctor's appointments as we learn what meds a child should be on or which ones can they can be weaned off of. But being able to be there for a child who has no one would be rewarding like nothing else. Please do not dismiss this. Do some research before you decide."

"And if I decide I don't want to do it?"

Natalie's face fell. "Then I'll accept that and won't ask again."

Jess nodded, agreeing to his wife's terms to research foster care before making a decision.

*****

On his way to work that morning, Jess thought more about what Natalie said. He understood there were rewards that came with fostering. What Jess didn't mention was his fear that they would become attached to a child only to have the child sent back to the same situation that led to the removal in the first place. How could he voluntarily do something that would likely cause a major heartbreak, not only for him but for Natalie too?

Jess spent his first several hours at his desk reading up on foster care. He couldn't find specifics but he found a contact number so he made a call. The information he was provided didn't do much to answer his questions but he had more to go on now.

Wanting to discuss this more in depth with Natalie, he sent her a text to see if she could take an early lunch. Relief flooded through him when she agreed to meet him in an hour at a little sandwich shop around the corner from the law office she worked at.

*****

Jess and Natalie ate quickly, both sensing the elephant in the room. Natalie finished first and took the opportunity to explain to Jess her feelings on foster care.

"When I was thirteen years old, a new girl came to my school. The first few weeks, she was very quiet, withdrawn. She had a few faded bruises on her arms and she struggled with basic concepts in class. I remember going home and asking my mom about her, just wondering what happened to the girl. My mom sent a note to my teacher, who called my mom to explain something. That girl, I learned, had been removed from her biological home due to abuse and neglect. A neighbor had overheard the father make some disparaging remarks, followed by what sounded like someone being smacked. The neighbor called the police, who arrived just in time to witness more abuse. Turns out, the girl had been pulled out of school two years before so she was behind in almost every subject. She became a punching bag of sorts when her father drank too much."

Natalie paused to get a drink but Jess could tell she wasn't done with her story.

"I befriended that girl. I felt so helpless at what she had gone through before she came to my class and, even though I knew I could do nothing to change her circumstances, I decided that the family who took her in were heroes. And I hoped to become a hero to a child in need. I know this is a lot. I know I should have mentioned this before and I will understand and accept if you decide you don't want to foster, but this is my heart. I want to help deserving children and give them a shot to excel, despite their rough beginnings."

"What happened to your friend?"

"Her father was found guilty of battery against a minor. He served five years in prison. By the time he was released, she had chosen to move on without him in her life. She went on to college and is now a social worker, helping kids who have similar back stories as she does."

"Why did you not go into social work or something like that?"

"When I decided to become a paralegal, I had hoped to work for a law firm that specialized in family law so I could help advocate for kids."

"But your firm doesn't handle family law."

"I know. When I was looking for a job, I didn't have much to pick from. I took what I could get, deciding that I'd have more time to move into the family law field later."

"Have you scoped any family law firms out lately?"

"No, I've gotten comfortable where I am. But I have never forgotten my desire to make a difference in a child's life."

The couple sat quietly as the minutes passed. Jess was unsure what to do. As he considered earlier, he loved the thought of being a knight in shining armor to a child but what if he had to let that child go? Could he do it?

"Ya know, I am honored to have married someone with as big a heart as you have."

"But...."

Jess forced a smile. "But...I'm scared we are going to get attached. Can we honestly care and love a child, just to have him or her be placed back with the parents?"

Natalie reached her hand to connect with his. "I'm sure it will happen. And I'm sure we'll be devastated. But I think that's how we know we did something right. We will have opened our hearts to a child who may never have experienced love before. Even if we don't get to keep our kids forever, every child who passes through our door will take a piece of us with them, wherever they go."

Looking at it that way, Jess had to admit that Natalie had a point. Considering his childhood wasn't exactly full of warm, fuzzy memories, he knew firsthand that being able to care for a child was the greatest thing someone could offer.

As hard as it may be, Jess knew he wanted to not only make Natalie's dream come true but those of children he had never even met.

Pulling Natalie's hand to his lips, he placed a light kiss on her fingers. "I'm in."