Manhattan Dreams ✅

22. Overwhelmed

I sleep through the next two days only waking up to eat and go to the bathroom. Getting out of bed poses to be more of an effort than I'm willing to put in. "Maya" Josh says softly as he shakes me awake.

"I'm sleeping" I whine as I wiggle away from him.

"I know but we have something to do today" he reminds me carefully. I pull the blankets over my head and shake my head.

"If I hide here it's not real" I cry.

"I wish that were true baby but you and I both know it's not. Riley and I are gonna be by your side the entire time but you have to get ready" he says softly as he yanks back the blankets. I sigh and climb out of bed, padding across the floor and heading into the bathroom. There's a black dress and heels resting on the counter ready for me to change into. I run my hands over the fabric and break back into tears. This is why I slept, it kept me from crying. I look up at myself in the mirror and cringe, I looked awful. I quickly strip down and climb into the shower and clean myself up. When I'm done I step out and slip into the outfit that had been laid out for me. "Baby you ready to go?" Josh knocks on the door. I take a deep breath and open the door. "Woah" he smiles as he looks at me lovingly.

"What?" I ask curiously.

"You look gorgeous" he compliments as he reaches out to caress my cheek. I smile, stepping closer to him. "You alright?"

"I'm a mess" I admit sadly, "this is gonna be really hard" I say softly as tears threaten to spill from my eyes at any second.

"I know" he nods. "If it gets too much we'll go."

I shake my head. "But it's my mom" I protest.

"Funerals aren't for the dead Penelope, they're for the living. Today is a chance for everyone to say goodbye but you can always go visit her."

"I'm supposed to talk" I whisper as he wipes my tears.

"I know" he nods, "and you can if you feel up to it but if you can't do it Riley can step in" he explains, pulling me closer to him. "Today is for you to say goodbye to your mom. Do it at your own pace" he says softly as he smoothes down my hair.

"Thank you for staying with me."

"Penelope there is nowhere else I would rather be" he smiles as he leans down to kiss me. We pull apart as a knock on the door sounds and Riley lets herself in.

"You ready to go peaches?" she asks carefully. I break away from Josh, wipe my tears and nod.

"As I'll ever be" I take a deep breath and follow them out to the car. I climb into the passenger seat beside Josh and he takes my hand in his as we begin the drive to the funeral home. I let my eyes flutter shut and for a few moments I try to convince myself that it's a normal day, just Josh and I driving around town together. Of course when we arrive at our destination that dream is replaced with the nightmare that is my life. Josh helps me out of the car and Riley stands on the other side of me as we walk inside. There are people everywhere but I don't recognize many of them, only Cory and Topanga really. "Who are all these people?" I ask in confusion.

"Customers, friends" Cory lists as he walks up to us. "How are you doing sweetie?" he asks me worriedly.

"Okay" I shrug. I hated that question. My mother just died. I'm fucking fantastic! How do you think I'm doing? "If you'll excuse me" I say softly as I brush past him and head straight to the bathroom. Riley of course follows me inside. She leans against the wall opposite the counter I was leaning on and says nothing. "I feel like I can't breathe" I say in pants. "We were alone for seven years and suddenly she dies and everyone cares" I gape. "And if one more person asks me how I'm doing" I exclaim in frustration.