Dixon's Daughter • The Walking Dead

21: Beside the Dying Fire

Emma's P.O.V

We were all standing around Dale's freshly made grave.

"Anytime I would go to make a decision Dale would be there just giving me this look. Making sure I'd make the right decision. When I went to make this last one he gave me a different more disappointed look. I feel as if we should honor Dale by making sure we make the right decision. We aren't gonna kill Randall, we're gonna keep him alive. Daryl and I will go and try again to take him back out tomorrow." Rick said.

Guilt still burns inside me. I don't know how to live with myself just yet. But I'll learn... eventually.

I was crying yet another time, for all the wrong reasons. Not because I'm sad of Dale dying, just from the guilt. I am sad that Dale is gone I just feel worse that it is my fault that he's gone.

After Rick's speech everyone left. I stayed, just crying. Living with myself after all of this is hard. I really messed up. I was alone so I felt comfortable letting out my tears. I just stood there crouched over crying. I saw Carl walking over but I don't care if he sees me like this. I might like him but he's still my best friend no matter what. He got close and just wrapped me up in his arms. I was numb. I just stood there. I felt like I could crumble to the ground. I loosely wrapped my arms around him and just stood there crying into his shirt.

"Carl, I messed up." I said.

"You didn't do it alone Emma, we messed up." He said reassuring me.

"I had a clear shot, I coulda shot it. I coulda prevented that." I said sobbing.

"Emma, its okay. Theres no way either of us could've known that would happen." He said.

"But still, I could've shot it. Its just like back at the quarry, I coulda prevented it." I said.

"Emma, its not your fault. Theres no way you could've known." He said.

I still stood there trying to sob but I've already cried so much that I'm out of tears.

"C'mon, lets get you inside and get you something to drink." He said.

I nodded and he wrapped his arm around me and helped me walk. I dried my tears as we walked trying to keep my strong image.

We walked into the house and Carl sat me down on the couch. He walked into the kitchen and got me a glass of water.

Daryl walked in, "Hey, kiddo. How ya doing?" He asked.

I shook my head yes with the glass of water to my lips. "Yeah, much better now." I said once I was done drinking.

"Good." He said and began to walk off.

I raised the glass back up and began drinking the rest of the water. I finished the water and cuddled up to Carl.

"If you're like this over someone you hardly knew, I'd hate to see you when I die." Carl said.

I looked up into his eyes, "Carl don't say that, nothings gonna happen to you." I said.

"Less than a week ago I could barely shoot." He said.

"Carl, don't ever doubt yourself. You're gonna beat this world, we're gonna beat this world together, you hear me? No matter what you'll always have me because I'm not going anywhere at all and neither are you. We're in this together." I said. 

"Emma, you don't know that." He said.

"Yes I do, as long as we're together we'll survive. I know it. Now stop doubting yourself. You're gonna beat this world, Carl, we're gonna beat this world together." I said.