Dixon's Daughter • The Walking Dead

63: Stars

Emma's P.O.V

Truly, I had always thought Carol didn't like me, thankfully, I know the truth now.

We have left the shack, I refuse to walk next to anyone other than my dad... I mean, there's Carl, but things just aren't the same between him and I. I can't explain how, but I can explain its tearing me apart inside. Maybe its for the best though, I'm just not good in relationships I guess, but can you blame me. Even the relationship with my mom was trash, I didn't know my dad for the first twelve years of my life, friends at school... well, those just weren't really a thing for me. Many people at school, didn't necessarily pick on me, they just... avoided me. Which I don't blame them, I seemed like a freak, though, I know what was happening and what I was going through, if they knew as well I bet they'd understand better.

There was one girl in particular who liked to pick on me, I guess you could call her a bully, but I don't like to use that term considering it makes me feel weak. Her name was Valerie Morgan and she made my life at school a living hell.

As I was thinking of all of this, we were walking down the road almost in a perfect line, one person next to the other. That way, it made us stronger. I walked by Dad and Carl, though, Carl and I didn't talk. In our line, Rick sort of veered off into the front.

We had stopped for the night, just to eat, some of us to get some sleep, the few of us that could. I don't sleep much anymore, lately its more out of fear of falling asleep and not getting up. I have no idea whats been going on in my head lately, I'm so worthless that I feel like I'd be better off dead, but I'm also petrified of dying. I guess, maybe I'll just get tired enough to where I fall asleep unwillingly and something happens, I don't know what I want, but my death would make the world a better place at this point, but we also need as many warm bodies as we can get, right?

Dad came up to me.

"Hey, Em. Wanna go hunt with me for a bit?" He asked, knowing that I didn't like to leave his side much any more.

I nodded, and we walked off.

"Are you okay?" He started.

"You didn't really bring me out here to hunt, did you?" I retorted, quietly.

"Well, I did, but I also feel like we need to talk. We haven't done that in a while." Dad said.

"I'm fine." I said, still quietly. 

"You're quiet... you're usually never this quiet. I know I can never be like a mom where its easy for girls to talk to their moms, but I'm here. I care. I just, need you to help me out here and give me something." Dad said. 

I have actually never seen him like this, actually showing any sense of emotion whatsoever, just because of that, I think it'd be okay for me to tell him a little bit.

"Well, there was this girl who picked on me in school, more so bullied me, but that term makes me feel weak. I don't know what made me think about her, but I did and now I can't stop. All the things she said to me, about me, all the things she did to me... they're all just playing over in my mind. Especially how every time she would do something to me it'd make her more popular. That one still makes no sense... Theres more, the fact that I just killed someone in cold blood has been messing with me too, I had enough of her shit though. It was really all over Carl though, she told me she loved him... and suddenly, I threw a knife in her head and she was dead..." I said, coldly.

"Was it Emily?" He asked.

I nodded.

"I figured, I saw you three get out together, I knew her and Taylor wouldn't last long, not with you. Not saying that as a bad thing, just, they like to mess with you a lot..." He stated.