Dixon's Daughter • The Walking Dead

64: Help

Emma's P.O.V

I was back in school, just existing, really meaning nothing to anyone there. I dreaded the time I was there, and I dreaded the time I was home. There was no happy, at anytime really. At home, I would have to deal with mom and her drug addict friends, which almost always included Marcus. There were times when I was lucky and didn't have to deal with the things he did to me. It's still crazy to me, that after so long of it happening, I was still too weak to admit what he had actually did. That's all I was, a small weak girl, serving no purpose to anyone. In school, I would walk the halls alone, doing my best to avoid anyone I could, I knew if anyone did talk to me or come up to me they would mess with me, it happened about ninety-five percent of the time. This particular time, I was going to my only class with Valerie, fourth period. Personally, fourth period was my least favorite class. Not only because of Valerie, but because of the fact we could choose our seats. There was one occasion where two people crammed themselves into one chair just to avoid sitting with me, and today was one of those days. The two people were two guys, and I can't even remember their names now, shows how much they meant to me. I didn't understand what was so wrong with me, I mean, yeah. Occasionally you could see a few bruises, but what kid didn't have bruises. We're kids, we did or do dumb shit. I was outside a lot too. I didn't smell, I don't know what was so wrong with me. Then of course, Valerie has to make things worse. She has to come up to me and open her mouth. "Wow, Emma. How'd you manage to get that big ol' thumbprint shaped bruise there?" She said snottily, using her thumb to press into it. I didn't even flinch at the fact that she pressed down on it, I was used to abuse now, so it didn't really affect me anymore. "Look at that everyone, her bruise is from someone's hand. What sad guy did you get to do that to you last night, slut?" She mocked me, without me even saying anything. Last night, was one of the nights Marcus came into my room. I just sat there and let her say those things. I was watching from an outside perspective, almost like a movie. I was rooting for myself to stand up to her, but I didn't because I'm weak and that's all I'll ever be. "Alright Valerie, that's enough." The teacher walked in and said after giving a long breath. Just before Valerie walked away, she took her unnecessarily long fake nails, and pinched me to a point where I bled.

I rushed awake, but just laid there, being sure to stay still. I must have kept quiet and not made any noise as I usually would when having a dream. I had always been a sleep talker... or sleep mumbler, which is actually more accurate.

I was currently the only one awake. It had to be close to sun up, it wasn't truly dark anymore. There was a hint of pink mixed in with the dark-starry night sky, I know everyone else planned on getting up at sun up so I was okay as far as sleep wise, I got about as much as everyone else.

I was going to get up, but Carl's arm was around me. Which made me feel much better, considering the dream I had just had, though, it still made me feel weak. That's all I'll ever be, weak. It's all because I fear death, being weak is fearing death. Being strong, is being fearless. If you fear something, you have a weakness, therefore I am weak. I have the biggest fear of all, death. I should be okay with it, it's what life is now. Just the fact that you're completely gone once you die and have no trace of yourself left to hold onto terrifies me. The thought that when I'm dead, I won't only be gone from the people living, but myself. I'll be dead, and I can't control it. All at once, I'll just be... gone.

I moved Carl's arm, I am strong. I don't need validation of that, all that I have been through. Death shouldn't scare me. It's gonna happen eventually, and it'll be okay when it does, there will be a reason I go, and I'll make sure it's a good reason, I can't let this small fear get in the way of me being who I am and still living my life to its greatest potential, even when the world is shit.

I stood up, but Carl woke up slightly. "Where are you going?" He mumbled, barely awake.

"Bathroom." I simply replied.