• Bts Angst •

「 yoongi － 1 」

I love him

But he just kept pushing me away

Is something wrong with me?or am I just not that pretty and enough for him

Why does he hate me?

Will he ever love me?

Why does it have to be him?

I hate it how he acts like he doesnt know me..he knows that ived liked him for a long time and it's embarrassing..i hate myself for liking him.

Well i embarrassed myself everytime im with him..when im with him i cant help but always talk and talk and talk which annoys him very much.

I know that he doesnt like me..but i wish he would stop hurting me physically and mentally..i dont even know why the fuck im still talking or getting close to him when he always hurts me.

I thought of many times that possibly he will change and become my friend someday even though i think it's kinda impossible to happen.Even if we were just friends..i'd be happy..

Everything is a mess right now

He wasnt like that before when i first met him..maybe he just got really really annoyed and started to hate me..but i know its my fault why he got really annoyed..i cant help it.

And the reason why he hates me so much..is because of her girlfriend's death..he blamed me for everything..

I didnt look where i was walking when i was with her and then out of the blue pushed me away..and she was the one who got hit by a truck..my whole body was shaking that time and i didnt know what to fucking do.

I was shaking so bad..i-i just saw someone die in my own eyes..i ran and rushed to her and my tears fell i didnt even know why..i immediately called the ambulance..it was a fucking hit and run

The driver didnt even stop to help us but instead the fucking driver continued to drive away.

And when yoongi found out what happened..he blamed me for everything and i started to think that it is my fault.

Everything is really messed up..my family--i dont even know if i should call them my family.

They kicked me out on our house..and know i didnt know where to go..i was only a disappointment to them..i never made them proud even though i tried my best..they always want me to be the highest but i cant.

I tried but i cant.

I wish they would support me on the things i like..i wish they would motivate me and they would tell me that i could do it instead of forcing and pressuring me around.

They never loved me as a child..instead they treated me like i am a piece of trash..all they care is about their reputation and their image.he

I could only give them what i could do.

But im glad im out of that house..atleast they wont hurt me anymore r-right?

I dont even know where to go right now..i-i havent been attending or going to school for a few weeks right now..i dont even care.

I dont care if i dont go to school..i dont have anymoney to pay my tuition..my parents took the money my grandfather gave to me for my college before he passed away.

Right now..im standing on the side of a bridge..thinking if i should jump or what..

If i dont jump i would live and be miserable..i dont know where to go i dont have a place to stay in..

But if i jump, i would be happy..i can finally die..i can finally be..happy--"Y/n!"i my head quickly turned when i heard that familiar voice "y-yoongi"my tears finally fell.

"Y/n dont j-jump"he said as he tried to catch his breath,i looked away and closed my eyes "y/n please dont do this"he begged

"How the fuck did you find me here"i quietly say but enough for him to hear "y/n just get down from there"

"Answer me yoongi!"i yelled "N-namjoon!Namjoon helped me"

"How..i-i tried getting away from you. Why are you here"my voice slightly cracked "y/n im sor--"i cutted me off "that's bullshit yoongi!"i yelled again as tears continued to fell

"Dont say sorry now because you feel pity!you said that you dont want to see me so why are you fucking here!"i cried "y/n i care about you"my heart ache

"How could you fucking say that after all you had done to me yoongi..i-i hate you"i burried my fave into my right hand as i gripped on the cold metal that i have been holding on since when i got here.

"Y/n i love you p-please--""n-no dont s-say that please"i whimpered crying again

I sobbed and i sniffed and cried..my whole body was fuckin shaking.."dont tell me that you love me..that's some messed up shit yoongi please..you dont know how much that hurts"i cried finally looking at him again.

"I-i know i know im sorry i-i--my mind is messed up im sorry y/n..i know a sorry wont fix anything but please dont leave j-just yet p-please..i know i pushed you around,i know ived hurted you

Im sorry..we have known eachother for a long time and i know i changed,i know i changed..im sorry y/n if i changed..i dont know what has gotten into me..ive lost her and ive lost my brother..i dont want to lose you too"he cried