• Bts Angst •

「 namjoon 」

Kim Namjoon, it hurts to think that this man who told me that he loves me could actually cheat on me. It's funny that he made a promise that he won't ever do something that could hurt me, but what he did is worse..it's not just hurting me, it's slowly killing me inside.

He doesn't even know that i already knew what he was doing; cheating on me with his ex.

Everything was so perfect, and it just had to be our anniversary. It got me thinking, maybe the reason why he cheated on me is because he's bored?am i too boring?i gave him everything, i gave up everything just for him..is it all worth it?

Currently i'm now here waiting for him in a restaurant where we always celebrate our anniversary, he told me he'll be here at 7 and it's already 8pm in the evening and i'm starting to look like a fool here waiting for him.

But i just thought that i'm just impatient so i waited another hour for him, i tried calling him but he's not answering, i tried sending a text but he won't reply. But what could i expect from a man who's cheating on me behind my back for roughly about  5 months.

And i found out about that just about last week. How dumb of me right?i know i should leave him or confront him about it, but i'm scared of loosing him. He knows that he's all i have..but i know that if i tell him that i know about his cheating thing, he would probably leave me.

I got tired of waiting so i decided to just go home since it's pretty late, and when i got outside i don't know whether should i be surprised or not. Standing right in front of me is the man who i had been waiting for a few hours, the man whom i loved for many years,,

"Namjoon.."i frowned when i see his eyes sparkling, as he laughs with the girl beside him. It's sad to see that his happier with her when i literally gave him everything just to make him happy. It's sad to realize that i am no more the reason behind his laugh and his smile.

Both of them stopped in their tracks, shocked to see me. "I really am dumb for expecting you to keep your promises and to expect you to still love me"i ignored the stinging pain in my eyes and let the tears escape from my eyes. I gave him a small smile as he looks at me with worried and guilty eyes.

Without thinking twice, i ran away. I didn't look back and just kept running where my feet could bring me until i was stopped in my tracks when i felt him get a hold of my arm and pulling me in his embrace.

I want to run away, run away from all of this. Hoping that all of this is just a bad dream; a nightmare.

"I'm sorry y/n, i-i know i made a mistake..i-i didn't mean for it to happen..i promise you i really wanted to stop what i'm doing--"i turned around and faced him "then why didn't you stop?"he looked at me with pleading eyes as i notice his tears falling from his eyes down to his cheeks down to his chin.

"I-i don't know"he hang his head low then i felt him gripped tighter into my arms until he lets out a sigh and pulled away. "I know what i did was wrong, i was drunk when it happened..please i need you, i love you..i can't bear to loose you"he cries hoping that i would come back in his arms when i'm just right infront of him.

"I already knew that you were cheating on me, i kept asking myself the same question over and over again.."i paused and gently put my hand on his cheek caressing it very gently then he looked at me with teary eyes "where did i go wrong namjoon?i-i did my best, i loved you with all of my heart and you know that..

I gave up everything just so i could be with you, it's been 5 years since we had met and i'm afraid of realizing and telling myself that did i just wasted 5 years of my life with you. Is it still worth it?"he shakes his head crying and closing his eyes.

I don't know if i'm being over dramatic about this, but i don't care..I'm just hurt, to hear him apologize is just making things worse..i don't know whether is he being sincere or not. "I'm sorry y/n"he cries

"Do you know what hurts the most?"he looks up as i felt myself crying again when i had thought of the scene earlier; Him laughing and smiling beside the woman whom he loved before. "That i'm no longer the person that you love and cherish..that i'm no longer the person who'll be able to make you laugh..that i'm no longer the person who'll be able to make you happy.."

"I guess i expected too much"i gave him a small smile but i feel my lips trembled and then he hugged me once again "n-no y/n please d-don't leave me"y/n shakes her head "i want to stay and love you till my last breath, but i know i won't be able to make you happy and give you everything you desire for too long..hence here we are now"i closed my eyes as i feel more tears coming out from my eyes.

"You're all i want y/n..you're enough, i do't need anyone but you"i pulled away and gave him a smile caressing his cheeks once again "you don't have to lie to yourself namjoon..if you truly do love me then you wouldn't be cheating on me in the first place"

"Namjoon all i want for you is to be happy and get the love you deserve, but i guess in this story were not made for each other..and if we are, time and destiny would find it's way for us to be together again."

People say that if you love someone you'll fight for them until the end but some people say that if you truly love someone you'll do anything for them even if it means letting them go, and i guess that's what i'm doing now.

"Maybe we'll meet again in another story, in another time but if not maybe in another life..until we meet again"