Deceived Heart (Larry Stylinson)

Chapter 42

It's been a week. A week since my father disowned me. A week of a feeling of emptiness. A week of sadness yet at the same time happiness. A week of eating very little and replying to every question with "okay," "yes," "i don't know," and "no." I honestly don't know what to feel. I know I should be happy that I don't have to deal with my father's shit anymore, but I'm feeling kind of sad. My only living parent disowned me for being myself. For being a different sexuality than everybody else. For being me. For being gay.

Ever since I was kicked out, I am now living with Anne and Harry. Harry, Niall, Liam, and Zayn would try to talk to me to tell them what happened that dreadful night, but I would just stay silent and shook my head or shrugged. I just wasn't ready to tell them yet. Well, more like I didn't want to. I was ashamed. I was ashamed that I was disowned just for being gay. What was I supposed to tell them? Oh yeah so basically my dad disowned me for being worthless, stupid, and gay. Oh and he also beat the fucking shit out of me for it too. 

I didn't even cry since that night. I just felt empty and sad. What else was I supposed to feel? I wonder if my father is happy right now. He probably is. He's most likely celebrating with a pack of cigarettes and beer that I'm finally out of his life, and that he doesn't have to deal with my worthlessness anymore. I was just a burden to him. I'm a burden to everybody. Hell I'm being a burden to my friends, Harry, and Anne at the moment. Wherever I go I'm a burden. And I'm sick and tired of it.

One morning as I was slowly eating my cereal, Harry came and sat across the table from me. He just folded his hands together on top of the table and watched me eat. I felt uncomfortable, so I got up and washed my bowl. He got up as well and stood next to me with his arms crossed over his chest. I walked past him, but he grabbed my arm and turned me around so that I was facing him.

"Tell me," he said.

"Tell you what," I said.

"You know what I'm talking about Louis."

"There's nothing to tell."

"Obviously there is if you're sad like this and you're barely talking to anybody. You're not even talking that much to me. I feel like this is my fault. I feel like you hate me for some reason."

"It isn't your fault and I don't hate you Harry," I reassured him.

"Then please tell me what's going on."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"I'm not ready."

"You're not ready or you don't want to?"

"Both."

"Well I want to know so I can help you Louis. You moping around being sad won't help anybody."

"Okay," I said and tried to walk away, but he grabbed me again.

"God fucking dammit Louis!" He yelled and tugged at his hair which made me flinch.

"W-"

"No! Let me talk!" He cut me off. 

"Okay."

"I'm not going to fucking stand here and let you be sad. The rest of the boys aren't going to watch you be sad. I understand you're hurting. I understand you don't want to talk about anything. I get it, but we all want to help you. We all want you to get better. Be happier. I want you to be Louis again. You don't even talk to me anymore since that night. You know how much that hurts me? Louis, I want to be able to talk to you again. I want to be able to listen to you and have you listen to me. Now you just reply with goddamn simple ass answers and that's not what I fucking want. I want your sarcastic snarky answers. I want you to tell me what happened so I can get a better understanding of how you fucking feel, but I can't do that. Do you know why? Because you won't let me in. You won't let any of us in," Harry grabbed my hands and held them.