Deceived Heart (Larry Stylinson)

Chapter 62

Once again, I'm sat in the chair next to Louis' bed holding his hand while my other held the letter he wrote to me. I've read it over and over again the last 3 days I found it. In fact, I'm reading it right now. I cried over it each time I've read it. So many tears have landed on it that most of the words were smudged, but by now I didn't care because I memorized it word by word. I also found his "Oops" bracelet that he put into the envelope. I wore it next to my "Hi" one and kissed it every morning I woke up. Yes, I know it sounded weird and girly, but when you love somebody you honestly just can't give a fuck anymore.

I gave the boys and Lillian their letters when they came to visit as well. They all sobbed over their letters, and I understood. Everytime they came to visit, they had a sad look in their eyes, and looked like they haven't slept at all. We were all going through so much pain, yet I felt like I was the one going through it more. Any moment now, his heart could stop beating and knowing that makes me want to rip out my hair and curl into a ball on the floor and cry my heart out. Nick wouldn't stop texting or calling me the past few days, but I would never answer. I never actually broke up with him, I just stopped talking to him. I really didn't care about him anymore. He wasn't anything to me to be honest.

I was in the middle of reading my letter for probably the 17th time today with tears on my face when I felt a tickle on my hand that was holding Louis'. I looked at our hands to see his fingers slowly move. My lungs stopped working for a moment. I looked up at Louis' face to see his eyes slowly opening. His eyes weren't sparkling like they did before, instead they were a dull gray blue. I didn't care though, because he was still as beautiful like he always was. His eyes slowly scanned the room until they landed on me.

His eyes widened. He looked down to see our hands together and pulled away quickly which hurt. It hurt like a bitch. He backed up to the other side of the bed and stared at me in the shock. He opened his mouth to say something, but he choked on his words.

"Wa-w-wat-water," his throat sounded dry.

I handed him a glass never taking my eyes off of him. He did the opposite, he looked down the whole time. He made sure not to touch my fingers as he took the glass. He was avoiding me, and it hurt. He downed the whole glass, and licked his lips. He finally looked up at me after a while of long silence, but looked back down again.

"Lou," I whispered.

"Don't call me that," he mumbled.

"Why not? It's your name," I said and reached for his hand, but he flinched and pulled back instantly.

"It's not my name! It's a nickname you gave to me! And I hate it! I hate it! I hate you! Fuck you!" He spat at me.

"You don't mean that Louis," I shook my head.

"I do. You shouldn't have come into my room that day. A few more seconds or minutes I would've been dead. I would've liked it that way."

"Don't you dare say that Louis!" I said.

"Well I did! I'm not taking it back! I was finally going to get what I should've done in a long time! But you had to come in and ruin that! Fuck you Harry fuck you!"

"You really want to do that to me? To all your friends? To your new family? There are people that care about you why can't you fucking see that huh?"

"You don't care about me! You care about your precious Nick! My new family? I don't even count them as my new family! My friends? They'd do better off without me! Everybody would! I'm just a fucking waste of space! Why doesn't anybody understand that?" His voice cracked.

"Because you're not! You're fucking amazing! You're caring, funny, great with children, beautiful, unlike anybody else! You're a fucking angel. You have to learn and accept that."