Deceived Heart (Larry Stylinson)

Chapter 57

It's been 3 days since the whole kissing Harry incident at his party. His one word kept echoing in my head. "No." He didn't love me anymore, and that hurt a lot. It felt like somebody reached into my chest and lit my heart on fire. Then they took the ashes of my burnt heart and fed it to a shark. A part of me hoped that he was lying, but then a part of me figured he wasn't. He was happy with Nick, and I couldn't change that.

I felt alone now more than ever. The cutting started again. I just couldn't help it, now that I didn't have anybody to keep me happy anymore, there was no point. I couldn't focus on anything. Not even at work and I could tell my boss was getting irritated at me. Everybody was irritated at me. And now it was just time to end everything. End my misery because honestly, if I didn't have Harry anymore then there was no point in my life. I fucked up everything I touched. I just can't bear it anymore.

Before I went through with anything though, I had to do something important. I parked my car in the lot and walked over to where my mom was. This was the mom I grew up with, not Lillian, but the woman I loved with all my heart. The one who took care of me and loved me.

"Hey mom," I said as I sat down in front of her gravestone.

"Nice day out today isn't it?" I quietly said.

"I don't know what else to do mom. I feel like my friends don't even care about me anymore. Harry doesn't love me anymore. And that hurts the most mom. When he told me he didn't love me anymore, it felt like a truck ran me over 1,000 times. Like my whole world crashed and burned. The love of my life doesn't love me anymore mom. Now what am I supposed to do?" My voice shook.

"I was so naive to think that we would be together until the day we died. That we would get married and have beautiful children. I was so stupid. Of course he would stop loving me. Maybe he never even loved me in the first place. It just hurts mom. Nothing can help. I started cutting again. It's the only release now. I spend every night crying myself to sleep, and I don't think I can take another day of it. I can't live another day or month or year like this," I tried to blink back tears.

"I can't live another day hating myself and being so sad all the time. It just hurts so much I'd rather jump in front of a train and end it all. And I am just going to end it all. Today. So I guess I just came here to say that I love you, and I'll see you soon mom. I hope that wherever you are, you'll be waiting for me. I'll finally get to see you again after all these years. So, see you soon," I got up and kissed my mom's gravestone and walked back to my car.

I drove back home scared, yet determined. I'm going to do this and succeed. I'm not going to be a chicken and back out. It would just be better for everybody if I left this world. I wouldn't be a burden to anybody and they'd all be happy with me out of the way. Liam, Niall, and Zayn wouldn't have to worry about having to cheer me up all the time. Lillian wouldn't have to worry about having a disgrace of a son and just go back to her own little life without me in it. Harry can have a happy relationship with Nick without worrying about me. Everything would just be perfect for them.

Once I finally reached the house, I took a deep breath and walked inside. I locked all the doors and went up to my room. I locked my bedroom door. I took a bad out of my drawer which contained weed. Yes I would smoke it from time to time just to get my mind off of stuff. I lit it up and took a few puffs out of it until I had the feeling like I was floating. I opened up the window, so the smoke wouldn't be in my room.

After I put it out, I took a pen and some papers and began writing letters. I wrote one to Liam. I wrote one to Niall. I wrote one to Zayn. I wrote one to Harry. I wrote one to Lillian. And I even wrote one to Nick. While writing the letters, I couldn't help but cry a little bit. Damn I was such a wuss.

Once I was done writing the letters, I sealed them into enveloped and stacked them neatly onto my bed, so whoever found me would find the letters and give them to whoever they were for. I found a belt and tied it to my ceiling fan. I got out my blade and put it on the floor, then I found a bottle of pills.

I dumped the whole bottle of pills onto the floor and kept taking the pills one by one. I probably took at least 8 or 9 before I felt really light headed and was about to throw up. I took my blade and put it against my tan skin. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes and cut deeply into my skin.

"Ahhhh," I said in pain.

I did the same thing to my other arm, then I did it to my thighs. Once a lot of the blood was dripping down my arms and legs, I got up on a chair and put my head into the hole of the belt I tied to the ceiling fan. I let my feet off of the chair. The belt closed around my neck and I was struggling to breath. Good. I was dizzy, bleeding, and was about to die. Just what I wanted.

"Louis!" I faintly heard someone scream.

Somebody tried to open my bedroom door, but it was locked. Good. I started getting dizzier and dizzier and I was wheezing. My lungs were burning from the lack of oxygen. My eyes were starting to close and my heart beat was slowing down. I was about to die. This was actually about to happen. My life flashed before my eyes. My friends, my mom, Harry, Lillian, her kids, everything that happened in my life.

My lungs were burning even more now. They felt like they were on fire. In a matter of a few seconds, or even minutes I was going to die. Leave this world and never return just what I planned on.

"Louis!" I heard someone yell. They stumbled into my bedroom from the window. When they finally came into sight, I couldn't believe my eyes.

Harry. I thought.

"Louis!" He tried pulling me down from the ceiling fan.

"I love you! Don't leave me!" He cried out.

I heard fire engine sirens coming. But it was too late to save me now, because that was when my body shut down and I blacked out with a sort of sad smile on my face.

*****

Hi there everybody! So it's finally been 6 months since I first started this fanfic. It's been a really great 6 months. I first started this fanfic in Febuary and now it's August. This half of a year passed by so quickly like wow. Thank you for all of the support and nice comments and everything. You guys make me so happy and writing this for you has been so much fun. I've finally gotten over 50k reads and that literally means so much to me. Like I never expected my fanfic to even get that many reads. I love how you guys think I'm a great writer and how you guys say this is a great fanfic because that makes me so happy. You guys make my day so much and it's been a hell of a 6 months going on this journey with you guys. Like wow. So thank you guys so much I love you all so much for supporting me and everything.

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