ᴋᴍᴛᴛᴘ | ғᴀᴄᴋ

36 ☜

thursday, January 20th, 2018.

-finn-

i hadn't realized i fell asleep, when i woke up, Wyatt was next to me. "Wyatt?" I asked, he shot up. "hey you," he said when he calmed down. "why so on edge?" i asked, he shook his head. "just- last night..." wyatt said, he looked like he was thinking for a moment before he slowly reached for my wrist to slide up my sleeve, the gashes looked irritated, bruised, and bad. "lets get these cleaned up, okay?" wyatt asked, I nodded my head, we walked into the bathroom connected to my room, wyatt's eyes were fixed on the large pool of blood that was almost staining the floor because I hadn't cleaned it up yet.

"don't say anything," I begged, he sighed and nodded his head. wyatt held my now bare arms under the running water of the sink, he scrubbed gently, making sure he didn't hurt me. "ah-" I yelped, Wyatt pulled away quickly, "sorry, sorry," he said.

I sighed, pulled my arms out from under the water, turned the sink off, and sat down on the floor. "why do I, and the people I love, choose people who make them feel so little?" I asked, Wyatt sat down next to me and stared off into the red stain. "we accept the love we think we deserve," he responded.

"Please, don't tell Jack," i said, Wyatt looked over at me. "why not?" he asked, "because last time i um- relapsed... jack left, which hurt worse than anything, he keeps me grounded," I responded.

"finn... I think he should know... explain the situation to him, he deserves to know that you're going through this. I don't want you to just have me, what if I'm not available and you need someone?" Wyatt spoke, I nodded my head and after that, we sat silently.

don't tell him. he'll hate you, don't you get it? wyatt doesn't understand. make him leave. shut him out. you don't deserve him after what you've done.

my head started to pound again, i couldn't shut out the voices this time, i been able to for a while. i kept it in, i couldn't say anything.

what YOU have done. you don't deserve love, comfort, definitely not jack. if he finds out, he will leave you, this will hurt him extremely. do you want that you psycho?

i bit my tongue, i got up and began dragging Wyatt out. "finn-! let go, what are you doing!" Wyatt yelled, but it was muffled to my ears.

you don't deserve to live you faggot. your whole existence is a sin, just listen to Steve and die. yes, you can't change how you feel, you're gay, so the only way out is death.

i cried as i pushed Wyatt through the front door and slammed it, he began pounding hard on the glass of the door, but i couldn't let him in; Wyatt doesn't need to be bombarded with my problems, with my shitty behavior.

i dragged myself to my bedroom and reached under my bed for the bag, he put it back. i pulled it out and dumped the contents out onto my bed, i grabbed the vodka and began to take small sips until i felt a buzz, then i chugged. the burn in my throat was hell, and the taste was too, but this was all i could do.

thud. i snapped my gaze over to my window, Wyatt was sitting outside with an angry expression draped across his face. "stop, finn! you're going to regret it, you've told me that you regretted doing it back then, you'll regret doing it now!" he screamed as he continued to pound.

i set the bottle down to make him happy, i giggled. i picked up my phone to check the time, 6 am, i decided to get dressed, grab my skateboard, and head to school, I'm dumb but not dumb enough to drunk drive.

when i got to school, it was seemingly empty, "hey, finn!" Wyatt yelled, i groaned and turned around, stumbling. "what the hell! you need to go home, now."

"i-i'm fine, i don't need to go anywhere,"I answered, i felt fine, so i must be. "you're slurring. go home, if a teacher or one of the faculty notice, you're screwed," Wyatt said, trying to get close to me, i backed away.

"I'll call your fucking mom, I'll tell her about the speedball. leave, you don't need to be here, you need to rest," he growled. as people started to pour into the school, i pushed through the mob to leave. on my way out, i bumped into jack.

"Hey-!" he yelped, not knowing it was me, "oh, finn! hey, I've missed you," he cooed as he pulled me in for a hug, i tried to pull away put i couldn't help myself, i fell into it. i can't stop myself from being in love with him, even though i know I'm going to hurt him. jack's presence was so bright, his arms around me so loving, maybe i could make him my new addiction.

i pulled away from the hug, no. i can't do that to him. "finn?" he asked, i shook my head and continued to walk out of the school, i felt myself stumble a few times but i made it out and rode my skateboard home.

✯

"finn, what are you doing home? you startled me!" my mom yelled in surprise, i forced a laugh and continued to my bedroom. "hey! get back here, mister. you aren't skipping without a reason," she said, i walked back to the kitchen to face her.

"i don't feel very good, i needed to lie down and we don't have a nurse today since she's resigning in a week," i answered smoothly, she'll believe it, Mrs. Rios has been our school nurse since forever.

"Hmm... alright... I'll call the school and let them know you aren't gonna be going in today," she responded, i thanked her and went back to my room. Taking refuge in my bed, I stared up at the ceiling, feeling half dead. I don't like when I get like this, I should've said something to Jack, I should've reached out, talked to him. I should've accepted Wyatt's help, I shouldn't have pushed him out, and I definitely shouldn't have upset him, he deserves better.

I put my hands over my face and sighed, there's no way I can get out of this one without some hardcore apologies. i know these people choose to have me in their life, are they ready to take on the responsibilities of being my friend? scratch that, not responsibilities, but stress. the stress of being my friend, etc.

i felt my phone buzz in my pocket, this worried me. jack's breaking up with you.

bubba💖: i talked to wyatt.

my heart pounded out of my chest, there are too many things wyatt could've told jack, all include an ending of him hating me.

me: about...?

bubba💖: we need to talk after school.

me: about?

bubba💖: you know what i'm fucking talking about stop playing stupid.

read at 8:37 a.m.