ᴋᴍᴛᴛᴘ | ғᴀᴄᴋ

42 ☜

wednesday, January 26th, 2018.

-Finn-

"good morning,"I heard someone say, i opened my eyes to a nurse who was opening the shades on the windows. "how did you sleep?"

"okay, i guess,"I answered. truthfully, i didn't sleep very well, knowing that I'm not going to be going home soon, at least i didn't think so.

"that's good. I've brought your breakfast, a part of you being in here is that you remember to eat your meals so you can get on track again, i was informed that the reason you're in here right now was because you always forgot to eat," the nurse explained, i nodded my head as she sat a tray of food down on a table next to my bed.

"toast, water, scrambled eggs, and bacon; your mother brought you breakfast. if you need anything, I'll be close by. oh- and I'm nurse Becca by the way," she smiled before leaving me to eat. i stared at the food beside me, i didn't feel hungry, and i don't want to eat when I'm not hungry. i pushed my legs over the side of the bed and stood up, immediately i got a head rush; my vision was spotty and blurry, i felt like i was falling over. i grabbed onto the rail on my bed until i came to.

i took a deep breath and exhaled softly before i continued to walk towards the door, i took a look out into the hallway, it seemed very empty. i walked out and began wanting to explore, that was before my doctor saw me. "finn- what are you doing up? you need to go back to bed. have you finished breakfast?" he asked. he was saying too much, i didn't really comprehend anything he said, so, i just kind of looked at him.

"come on," he said before lightly grabbing my shoulders as if to support me as we walked back to my room. my doctor helped me as i lifted myself back into my bed, and i noticed his eyes on my food.
"finn, if you don't eat, i will be forced to put you into an inpatient facility," he sighed, i nodded my head, picking up my fork as the doctor left.

i slowly lifted a piece of the scrambled egg to my mouth, i chewed it, i swallowed it. my stomach felt weird, i felt a wave of this craving wash over me, i continued to chow down on the eggs until they were gone, then i moved on to the toast, then to the bacon.

when i was finished, i laid back down. my stomach began to cramp at, what i guessed was, the sudden cramming of food. i curled into a ball and hugged my stomach, which felt full for the first time in a while, but if this is what being full felt like, i didn't want food anymore. i jumped out of bed and barely made it to the toilet before throwing up all of the contents of my breakfast, i lifted up my shaking body and pressed the button to call for the nurse.

"finn? finn, where are you?" she called out, i groaned as if to let her know where i was. nurse Becca came speed walking into the bathroom just to see me curled up on the floor, "i-i ate too fast, it a-all just came u-" i gagged and threw up once more, nurse Becca gently rubbed my back and grabbed a glass of water for me.

"you're going to be okay, finn. just eat slower, okay? it will feel much better, i promise." she grabbed me a towel and wiped the mess off of my face and then the floor. "you should take a shower, there's bile in your hair," she said, i nodded my head and began to undress as she left. like i was thinking before- the probability of me leaving soon is low, even lower now.

i stared at myself in the mirror before getting in the shower, i hadn't noticed until now how odd i looked, it seemed like my body was close to being just skin and bones. the hot water felt nice since i haven't showered for a while since I've been in the hospital, but it wasn't hot enough. i turned the heat up, it started to burn, which was satisfying.

a faint knock came from my room door, i quickly hopped out of the shower and scurried out of the bathroom to see who was here, i both liked and disliked being here alone. "hey," he said, Wyatt.

"uh- hey," i said, shuffling my feet. " I'm sorry for getting mad earlier, I'm turning into Jack," Wyatt laughed, i forced a chuckle. wyatt's eyes traveled all over my exposed skin, "i- uh- brought some snacks," he said, i said my thanks and we sat down on my bed.

wyatt grabbed his bookbag and pulled it up onto the bed with him, he unzipped it and pulled out a few granola bars, a small bag of oven-baked chips, a container of strawberries and cheese, and a strawberry chicken salad he must've picked up on his way here.

"i thought you might be hungry," he said, handing me the salad. i slowly picked up the fork and picked up a piece of chicken, i brought it to my parted lips and slowly put it in my mouth to eat it. i've never felt this strain to eat something, it's like he was forcing me to eat something disgusting... except the salad wasn't disgusting, it was fucking delicious, and wanted more, but i wanted to continue talking with him, so i pushed the salad aside.

"How've you been?" I asked. "Finn, it's only been a day," he chuckled. "I know, it's just- It feels like I haven't seen you in a while."

"i've been okay, but you... how are you doing?" wyatt asked, i shrugged. "do you know how long you're gonna be in here"

"no idea. hopefully i'll get out soon, ive been here less than 72 hours and i hate it here, it's been hell," i chuckled, but wyatt didn't find it funny. "they're just trying to help you, finn. which reminds me- jack. he doesn't know what to do for you, can you please talk to him? he's really stressed out."

"so am i, i don't want to pull him into this. i cant push this onto him," i answered, wyatt just sighed frustratedly. "he's here, by the way," he said as he got up and walked out. my breath hitched, what will i say?

"hey," jack said as he walked into the room, i quickly averted my gaze to my lap. "hey."

"how are you?" he asked, but quickly shook his head. "stupid question, sorry."

"no, it's fine. i'm doing good!" i smiled with a strain, jack smiled solemnly. "really, how are you." i sighed heavily and looked up at him, "i could be better?" i answered, but it was almost a question.

"baby, i can tell there's something you want to say, what is it?" jack asked, i hesitated.

you know he actually doesn't want to know, right? he pities you, he doesn't care about you. stupid. stupid. you're stupid for thinking 1. that he actually cares, 2. that you deserve him.

"i cant do this," i said, looking up at him; jack had a hurt expression on his face, i knew he understood what i meant, but he still asked. "w-what do you mean?"

"i mean- this isn't good for either of us. i don't deserve you, and you don't deserve to have all of this shit in your life." i fumbled with my hands in my lap once again, and began to feel my dread seeping from my body, i began to feel numb again.

"are you- are you fucking serious?" he asked, i nodded my head with a blank expression. "after everything we've been through? you know i can handle myself, and i'm willing to be gentle with you and put up with your shit," he said, but soon after, he shook his head.

"i'm sorry- that's now what i-" he tried to save himself, but i interrupted him. "no, i know what you meant. just go, let's talk when i'm out of the hospital so you don't feel like you have to be gentle with me," i spat, jack looked around the room, obviously anxious to say something, but he eventually gave up and left. people always leave.