ᴋᴍᴛᴛᴘ | ғᴀᴄᴋ

46 ☜

saturday, february 5th, 2018.

-finn-

Noah and I eventually went into the woods, his arm wrapped around my shoulder. I pulled out my bag of weed and my bowl, I stuffed a piece of a gram into the bowl and lit it, I took a hit. My lungs felt even more strained now, but I was calming down.

"How do you feel?" Noah asked after we had hit it a couple more times. "Amazing," I giggled. "good," Noah responded, but there was something about him that didn't seem right. "who did that to your face?" He asked me, I shuffled around, he must've been joking. I giggled and he awkwardly joined in. "Why do you wanna know?" I purred, "Curious as to who's been messing with your toy?" I asked as I crawled over to him. "I'm just wondering, I wouldn't say anything to anyone," He smiled, I went back to where i was sitting and contemplated what he said.

"My step dad, steve, he says being gay makes me evil, so he tries to hit it out of me. shhhh." I put a finger up to my lips to act out the shushing, Noah looked at me, almost looking shocked that i wasn't more upset. "finn..." he said pleadingly, seemingly at a loss for words.

"it's fine, really!" i said as i check to see if the weed was cashed, it wasn't so i lit it and took another hit. "call me if it gets bad, okay?" he said to me, i nodded in agreement. "God I'm so high," I groaned, which made Noah laugh. "I should probably get home," I said. Noah had a look of panic on his face. "No-! I uh- I mean- do you want to stay at my house tonight?" he asked, I nodded hesitantly, I haven't been at noah's since before we broke up.

We got in my car, which Noah drove, and headed to his place; when we arrived, I was hit with a wave of nostalgia. This place... It used to be my home away from home. "c'mon," Noah said, motioning me to get out of the car. He helped me out and inside, my eyes wandered around as we passed through each room, and as we ran up the stairs to his. He opened the door, everything looked just as it did, except he had a black comforter and white sheets on his bead instead of a white comforter and black sheets. 

"I'm gonna text my mom and tell her I'm staying with a friend tonight," I said, and as I was about to text her, my phone chimed with a text from jack.

Bubba: can we talk?

me: I can't.

Bubba: where are you?

me: what?

Bubba: I went by your house today to check on you since you seemed kind of out of it last night, there was blood on your floor. Is everything alright?

me: Steve.

Bubba: Come stay with me, I don't know where you are but knowing you you're probably just going to drive around all night if you don't have a place to stay.

me: already staying with someone, but thanks.

Bubba: oh. who?

me: noah

Bubba: Finn stop it.

me: stop what?

Bubba: we both know that isn't a good idea.

me: he's changed.

Bubba: people don't just change.

Bubba: how dense are you? don't you remember what he's done to you? he's the reason you broke your clean streak.

me: stop it.

me: stop.

Bubba: you stop, look at what you're doing to yourself. come over and lets talk about this.

me: call me.

"Hey I'm just gonna call her," I said, I left the room and ran downstairs, I stepped outside and sat on the front porch as I Waited for my phone to ring. 3 rings, I picked up. 

"please come over."

"jack you know I can't,"

"why?"

"because! you know I'm not about to burden you, plus I look like shit,"

"ok one: you know I don't mind listening to you and helping you, two: you never look like shit,"

"I do now, because of Steve,"

"what did he do to you?"

"he beat the shit out of me like he always does!" 

"you seriously need to tell someone about that,"

"it'll get better, as soon as my mom gets rid of him for good."

"and when is that going to be?"

"I don't know, soon?"

"how-um-bad is it?"

"bad."

"please come over, I want to help you."

"you can't help me."

"fine- I want to be here for you, let me be here for you"

"I-I can't" 

"At least let me come over."

"god damn it jack just stop!"

"...."

"...."

"I love you, finn."

"Is love even real?"

"yes."

"Yes it is. I know that it is. I know that it is because I love YOU. I trust you. I care about you. YOU."

"I'm sorry, I can't do this right now."

"do you love him?"

"I did."

"But I don't know about now."

"do you love me?"

"if love is real, then yes."

"are you in love with me?"

"I don't know! shit is so fucked up right now."

"Jack, he-he kept hitting me. over and over and over again. he was choking me. I couldn't breathe, I still feel like I can't."

"I can't let you see me like this."

"please ,Finn."

"please, let me be here for you, please let me love you, even if everything is falling to pieces right now."

"I'm gonna go to sleep. I'll come over tomorrow, okay?" 

"okay."

"I love you."

"goodnight, jack."

"...."

"I love you too."

I hung up the phone and cried, I ugly cried. I cried so hard tonight that It felt like I couldn't breathe, it was worse than when Steve had his hands around my neck. When Noah came outside and sat next to me, putting his arm around me, I cried even harder. "I know it's hard right now, but I'll be here for you, okay? It'll be different this time. I'm not gonna let you get to that bad place again." little did Noah know, I was hanging on by a thread, and it didn't feel like there was anything that anyone could do to stop the thread from breaking, from dropping me back down into the depths.