ᴋᴍᴛᴛᴘ | ғᴀᴄᴋ

48 ☜

monday, February 7th, 2018.

-finn-

After leaving Jack's I drove around for what felt like 30 minutes, but what was really more than five hours. I got home around two in the morning, my mom and Steve were just going to bed when they heard me drop down to the floor from my window. I heard the two exchange a few words before I heard my mom semi-yell, "Steve just leave him alone!"

I knew what that meant. I ran over to lock my door but before I could turn the lock, Steve came in and immediately grabbed me. "Two days again!" he yelled, "You're just embarrassed, you don't want anyone to see your faggot self." I winced, his grip on my wrists got tighter. " If you're going to hide away from us all day, maybe do it in the closet where we don't have to be disgusted by you!" He yelled, he yanked me over to my closet, pulled the door open, threw me inside, and closed it. quiet. It was nice in here, I couldn't hear anything going on outside of what felt like a safe space. thanks Steve.

The closet felt safe at first, but my heart started to pound as I got hit with a wave of everything that has happened the past couple of days. why now of all times? faggot. embarrassed. evil. disgusted. jack doesn't love you anymore. it's a lie. noah wants to use you. he wants to hurt you. he's lying too.

I held my head in my hands and pulled my knees to my chest, I wanted to cry, I needed to cry. I rocked back and forth, the screaming in my head became louder and louder with every word, I wanted it all to stop. Why won't it stop?

everyone's lying to you. pull your trigger Finn. leave. drive away. run away. everyone's better off without you. pull your trigger Finn.

I screamed, I screamed until my lungs hurt. I screamed so loud and so harshly I could've woken the whole neighborhood. I heard footsteps running to my room, but they came to a halt, and I never heard my door open. I began to laugh, then the tears came. I laughed so hard my stomach hurt, I cried so hard my head hurt. Eventually, I fell asleep.

✯

I woke up the next morning to my head pounding and my body aching from sleeping against the wall of my closet. I tried to lift myself up, but I couldn't, I wasn't strong enough, mentally or physically. I only got up when I heard my phone ring, which was sitting on my bed. I grabbed my phone and a pillow, then made my way back into the closet. I saw Wyatt was calling me, I hesitated but ended up answering.

"where are you?"

"what?"

"school?"

"oh."

"where are you?"

"in my closet."

"what? why?"

"long story."

"Just- Come to school, we can talk about it here."

"I can't leave."

"Why not?"

"I don't know."

"I'll come over after school, okay?"

"front door Is always unlocked, let yourself in and come up to my room."

"alright..."

"wait... are you doing okay?"

"just fine."

"red flag. we're talking about it when I come over, I'll see you then."

"gotta go to class, see you later."

"later."

"yeah."

✯

I winced as the sliding door of my closet opened, but the tensions left when I saw it was Wyatt. "get out here," he laughed, but I shook my head and patted the spot across from me, he sighed and sat down on the other side of my closet with his back against the wall so we were facing each other. Silence.

"are we gonna talk about your face?" he asked, which made me angry, but I know it shouldn't have because he was just worried. "god why does everyone want to know why my face is so fucked up!" I yelled, which made him wince. "Sorry," I said, but wyatt didn't respond.

"it was steve again, but let's not talk about it," i finally said after a few minutes of heavy silence.
"is that why you're in the closet?" he asked, i shook my head.

"can i ask why you're in the closet?" i thought about it, why am i in the closet? "it's nice in here," i smiled, wyatt chuckled. "let's go get something to eat, okay?" he asked, but again, i shook my head. "i don't want to leave. wyatt looked at me questioningly, "it's safe in here."

"seriously, we can go to chipotle, you love chipotle!" wyatt exasperated with a smile, i shared a weak smile with him. "can you bring it to me?" i asked. wyatt's smile faded, "finn, you can't stay in here forever."

"i can leave when i want to, okay? i'm just tired," i said, wyatt nodded his head. "well, i'm hungry as hell, so i'm gonna stop by chipotle. sure you don't want to come?" he asked, "yea, i'm sure," i responded.

wyatt left the closet, i knew he had left my home when i heard his car drive away. "fuck," i groaned while hitting the back of my head on the wall behind me. i got up slowly, my legs still in pain, and left the closet. for some reason, my room didn't seem like my room. i collected a few items, a phone charger, a picture of jack and me, my laptop, tape, a note-pad, my favorite books, the rest of my pillows, and brought them back into the closet with me.

i moved it around, i propped up the picture of jack and me across from me, i put my laptop on a pillow in front of me, i plugged in my phone charger, i set the note-pad down next to my computer along with the tape and the books. you forgot your medicine, fucking idiot. but who needs it, right?

i took in a deep breath and exhaled, this is new, and new is good. i laid down, covering myself with the blanket, and i went back to sleep.