iris . vkook

forty three

마흔 세

Taehyung's PoV;

Anxiously waiting in silence, I watched with timid eyes as Jeongguk pulled a thinking face. His attentive lilac eyes stared into the dawn sky, fingertips gently drumming against the leather wheel, lip familiarly tucked behind his teeth.

"Truthfully, I don't know." He finally said.

I wasn't expecting him to start showering me in love and affection, kissing every inch of my skin as he tells me how much he's in love with me.

Though, that would've been nice.

"I don't know how love feels." He continued, "clearly, whatever I had with Jisom wasn't love. I know that much."

I stared at him blankly, my heart breaking on the inside.

Not because he said he didn't know if he loved me.

But because Jeongguk didn't know love.

He never had any form of love.

He'd never mentioned his parents, so I assumed that he'd never had parental love.

His sister was more focused on the materialistic things in life rather than her brother, so he'd never had sibling love.

He had friends, sure, but Taeyong had mentioned that he tends not to get to close to them in fear that they'd disappear like Jay.

"I don't know what this funny feeling is in my stomach. I don't know why my head feels light when you smile or why my tummy ties knots when you laugh. I don't know why my heart beats faster whenever we kiss. I don't know why my palms began to sweat when I asked you to be my boyfriend." He said, a confused tone dipping into his voice, "I don't know anything and it's fucking infuriating."

"That's love, Jeongguk." I smiled, plucking his hand between my fingertips and cradling it between both of my larger hands, "you're not going to know anything, that's what makes it so exciting. Soulmates are bound to fall in love, and I know for sure that whatever happens in our future, we'll be great. We're going to bicker, we're going to get mad at eachother and we're going to need small breaks from one another - whether that be a brisk walk in the park or a week apart. And then we'll make it all up, through kisses, hugs, gifts and apologies. It's a boringly adorable cycle. There will be days when we wake up, your legs tangled with mine and your hair poking my eye and I'll simply smile and card my fingers through it, and there will be days where the positions are reversed. There's going to be happy days, where we'll run to each other with huge smiles on our faces as we hug and chatter excitedly. There's going to be sad days, where we'll cradle the other and press kisses to their cheeks, telling them that everything will be okay. Then there will be angry days, where I'll probably have to pull you away from a fight or where we'll be angry at each other. It's natural, Gguk, it's natural not to know. That's love."

He nodded at my words, curling his fingertips around my hand as he drove with the other, "tell me more."

"Love is watching you with a small smile on my face as you sleepily stumble into the kitchen on a morning, your hair messy and your voice husky, tiredly scratching at your tummy as you lazily press a kiss to my forehead. Love is planting pretty flowers together and watching them grow beside our relationship. Love is getting jealous over you hugging Yeontan rather than me." I whined at the last part, Jeongguk giggling, "it's being wide awake at three in the morning, either talking pure shit, having deep talks or kissing slowly. It's hyping up the other as they finish an art piece or as they nail that one dance move that they simply initially couldn't do."

Jeongguk hummed, the sound aesthetically pleasing and causing my brain to whir wildly.

"Love is forgiveness."

"Do you love me?" He asked.

"Very much so. I love you enough to forgive you, to excuse everything and to want everything I've just said."

"But, why do you love me?"

"You're funny, sweet, charming, affectionate and warm. I don't love you for your purple eyes, though they're a huge benefit. I love you because you make me happy and feel like myself. You make me believe that my smile is beautiful and that my hands are pretty." I shrugged, "I just love you. I'd probably go as far to say that I'm in love with you."

"Really?" He asked in mild surprise, eyes widened.

"Definitely." I nodded eagerly, "and it doesn't matter if you aren't fully in love or in love at all with me, because you showed me how it feels to be in love and that's all I ever wished for. I can die happy knowing that I fell in love."

"You know, petal, your words have really had an impact." He murmured, "I think I might love you."

"Isn't it a beautiful feeling?"

"I don't mind the way that my chest feels tight or how my lips feel dry in nervousness. I don't mind the way that I can feel my pulse on my tongue. I don't mind the nagging worry that maybe my hair isn't perfect or I'm dressed weird. It feels nice." He spoke, "I like this feeling of caring about what you think about me. I like the fact that I'm glad that I wore skinny jeans today and that my hair went well. I really, really like the fact that I'm delighted that you didn't leave me or get freaked out by me."

"You see, it makes me so happy to learn that you feel this way towards me. Ever since I was young, I'd longed for a soulmate and I thought I didn't have one until you came into my life. I didn't care, though I probably should, that you kill people as a career. I liked Jeon Jeongguk for the giggles and the dirty jokes, bringing smarties into art and convincing me that the pink ones taste different to the blue ones - even though they don't, I liked Jeon Jeongguk for sassily backtalking to the customer in Gucci, for loving flowers and Yeontan as much as I do." I grinned at him, "but mostly, and above all, I liked Jeon Jeongguk for being nice to me. For all the hand-holding, petnames, hands on my hips as you guided me through the busy corridor and then dipped the hand to my lower back, the kisses to my lips and neck, getting rid of the bullies, helping me with my art, and for liking me."

"Holy fuck, I really do love you." He half-squealed, "I'm feeling the emotion of love. I feel so free and complete, you know, I cant describe it."

I laughed at his confusion, gabbling about love.

"Come here, petal."

I leaned forward as he instructed, the car coming to a stop.

He laid one hand on the back of my neck, weaving the other hand's fingers through my purple hair.

He looked at me with some sort of sincerity before leaning forward and pressing his lips on mine.