Now I am a rockstar (A Percy Jackson Story)

Chapter 20: The mental break down

A/N

Prewarning you guys.

Scene that could effect people with depression and suicidal thoughts are in this chapter.
So please, if you do suffer from it, even though I think my writing doesn't portray it as well because it's something you can't write down and explain.
Please don't read.

In the next chapter I will explain what happened in this one or at the end of this one I will have what happened in this chapter in bold.

Enjoy the chapter and please, this is something people go through, so don't joke about it in the comments.
I have read books which do and it's horrible.

Anyway enjoy this chapter!

Percy/Luke's POV
As soon as I was away from them, I burst into tears, falling onto the ground on my knees, my head in my hands.
I felt Nyx hug me, her aura calming me.
"Shh, it's okay, it's okay" she whispered.
"I-"
'You're weak'
I chocked on my words.
"Shhh, don't talk, just let it out" she whispered.
"How? Why did I even say that!" I exclaimed loudly "I, I-"
'Why do you even call them your friends when all you do is yell at them?'
I felt Nyx let go of me but I knew she was next to me.
"I wish I never had this flaw, this war, it's so hard to-"
"I know, I know" Nyx said "I should never have forced you to do anything you're not ready for"
"It's not your fault" I said with a small voice "I thought I was ready, I thought they could read between the lines but-"
I sighed.
I feel like screaming.
Not like my normal silent scream.
But full on screaming.
"We're in a quiet place right?" I asked.
"Scream as loud as you want" Nyx whispered.
So I did.
My screams were filled with pain and heartache.
After 4 mintues my voice was horse from screaming.
After my last scream I burst into tears again.
I'm so broken.

"Why did that have to happen now?" I asked.
'Everyone hates you and wants you to suffer for everything you've done'
"I don't know, the fates don't like you" Nyx replied.
"I could have revealed the whole plan there Nyx and I couldn't fall back into my shell like I normally do" I said "Why am I such a failure?"
'Yes you are, why are you even alive?'
"You are not a failure!" Nyx snapped.
"All my friends think I am, I betrayed them for crying out loud...I could get their friends killed and-"
"You're overthinking it-"
"I, I, I can't do this anymore" I yelled, grabbing onto my hair, trying to pull it out "The lying, the hiding; everything! Why can't just di-"
"DON'T YOU DARE FINISH THAT SENTENCE!"
I looked up, tears filling my eyes tears.
I must looked useless and cowardly because Nyx's eyes softened.
"You matter to everyone Percy, don't think like that. People care, your friends care for you. They are fighting for you to go back to them. They know you're doing this for a reason" Nyx said.
I sighed, looking down.
'You really believe what she says? Believing in lies?'
"Why am I so pathetic and useless?" I whispered, looking into my hands.
"You're not pathetic or useless or weak, Percy look at me" Nyx said.
I looked up and she guided me to stand up.
"Your mind is giving you false thoughts, Percy, please" Nyx said "I know it's hard to get rid of, the hole you dug yourself it deep. But myself and Mayla can help you, Andy can help, your fans can help"
Looked back to her, making her sigh.
"Percy, I know your friends betrayal was hard on you, especially with your flaw. And I know it's hard to move on because they annoy the hell out of you. But as soon as we go on tour, everything; your worries and doubts will go away because of the feeling on being on stage, you know that" Nyx said.
"But all of my songs relate to them and all the songs I'm currently writing is about...it" I whispered.

I felt all fo my emotions take over my mind, like a disease.
'No one loves you'
I felt my throat close up.
'They're only use you'
I couldn't breathe.
'You're useless'
I started to shake.
'You're pathetic'
I started to loose my vision.
'Unwanted'
'A tool'
'Traitor'
'Asshole'
'You should die'
'Die'
'Die'
'Die'
"Percy! Listen to my voice"
I looked at Nyx, at her azure blue eyes.
Her figure looked foggy.
"Now, name 3 things you can see?" She asked.
"Um..." I heard my voice sounding weak "your eyes, the forest around us, the ground"
"Now, what do you feel?"
"Your soft hands, um, my clothes on my skin, the soft wind"
"What do you hear?"
"Your voice, the animals, the leafs on the trees"
"Smell?"
"Your perfume, the wet grassy ground, the pine in the forest"
"Now, what do you taste?" She asked.
"The chips I was eating earlier, my salty tears...and...and"
I felt Nyx's lips touch the corner of my mouth.
"...your blueberry chapstick" I whispered.
I noticed my breathing calmed down and I feel way more relaxed.
I couldn't hear the voices.

"Better?" She asked, noticing my vision is normal.
I nodded.
Nyx sighed.
"Come on, let's go home" Nyx said "You need to relax and not be stressed out for your tour, I'm sure Mayla has kicked them out the house by now"
I chuckled quietly.
"She probably has" I answered.
I nodded and she teleported me away.

~~~~~~~

As soon as I got back to my apartment, Mayla crushed me into a hug.
"Don't scare me like that again!" Mayla said, hugging me tighter.
"I'm-"
"Don't say you're sorry because you don't need to be" Mayla said, letting go of me.
"I assume you got the others out then?" Nyx asked.
Mayla nodded.
"They were really worried for Luke and I said it's better to stay away so he can have some breathing space. Obviously Luna refused to leave but Piper and Annabeth forced them to go" Mayla explained.
"That thing is getting more control of her every day" I said "I'm worried for her health"
Nyx nodded.
"I am too but you know what we have to do" Nyx said, making me sigh.
"Everyone will hate me" I whispered, tears starting to form.
"No they won't, they will understand" Mayla said "Let's not think about that, let's think about your tour, promo photos are this afternoon!"
I smiled.
"There's the smile we all love" Mayla said "Come on Luke, let's go"
I smiled and followed them.
I'm so lucky to have these two.
If it weren't for them, I would probably be dead.