ᖇOOᗰᗰᗩTᗴՏ ᗯITᕼ ᕼIᗰ 《C.TZ × J.JK》

Chapter 57: Pain

How long had they been staring at each other for, they didn't know. Minutes. Even hours may have passed but they both refused to tear down the silence until the other spoke up for themselves. Both were waiting for an explanation for the unforgivable trouble and the unbearable emotions they've been caused. By this point, none had any idea who was in control. Their feelings bubbled and popped inside them, making it difficult to focus on just one. Where to start, who knew? They just needed answers.

A tear trickled down Tzuyu's cheek despite the strong wall of controlled emotions she'd been holding up high until now.

Jeon Lisa.

Those words kept returning back to her in her sleep, appearing out of nowhere, turning her dreamland upside-down into a blazing hell. How many restless nights had she spent alone under her covers, wanting her boyfriend's strong arms wrapped around her? She wanted that warmth, that love, that feeling of protection. But the more she thought about it, the worse it became.

Lisa Monoban and Jeon Jungkook. Jeon Lisa. These names go well together, don't they? He talks a lot about you whenever he calls. I'm happy that he had found such a nice partner. Lalisa Monoban.

Who knew if Jungkook even loved either one of them. Who knew if he was just using the two of them to get to know his real feelings, and maybe later, he'll throw them away like discarded pieces of human trash. 

Who needed Lisa? A discourteous and contumelious slut, a bully, a spoiled girl claiming to be superior to the rest. Really, who would want to love her? 

And at the same time, who would want Tzuyu either? An orphan with no place to live, no heiress to her wealthy parents' business, not a single penny to support her but only strong feelings that she lives on. She thought herself to be a sensitive freak who could spill waterfalls of sadness if not careful around her.

But really, who cared about feelings in today's world? All that mattered to the people these days was a perfect life after their youth has passed. Bundles of money to live on and a good-looking partner to spend the rest of their lives with.

Reputation? Check.

Status? Check.

Perfect looks? Check.

Bribed respect? Checked as well. 

To be honest, Tzuyu realized, she wouldn't be surprised if Jungkook ever came to the decision to break up with her. No, scratch that. Actually, she'd end their relationship before it came to that point. Relationships came to an end all the time, didn't they? No matter how long they have existed or how firm they were? Who cared about the consequences? 

She didn't. That she knew well.

No, her love for him will always be there. His place in her heart would never be stolen. It was a permanent spot of of regret and the best times of her life.

But she deserved some respect too. She was tired of being that pitied girl. No parents, no family, no true lover. She was tired for being given that stupid respect and care for a past she didn't ask for. But honestly though, she didn't give that type a damn for now. Because it was Jungkook that made her mind go wild. And please, don't even talk about her heart.

She was tired of keeping up with his rude attitude, his mood swings, and his needs that he expected her to fulfill. A full-time housewife, that's what she thought she'd become. He even investigated to know where she was headed, work or hangouts. He wanted to know her location every minute of the day that ticked by. Sick of having no privacy at all, she refused to go out with her friends anymore and kept herself shut in her bedroom, waiting for his call of her name so she could serve him food or watch a movie with him for some quality time that they both knew wouldn't do a thing to help them improve their circumstances.

She was demanding a proper treatment from him if he really had something for her in his heart. Demanding for something she deserved wasn't wrong. And she would try until he did her some justice.

But for now, she made no move to wipe the bead of tear from her cheek, just let it slide slowly down for him to see. She tilted her head back and closed her eyes, waiting for him to do something, say something.

But he didn't.

He just stood there, scanning her as if seeing her for the first time. The anger behind those mesmerizing brown orbs seemed to have subsided a little, but only a little. There was still too much purpose in his gaze for him to have gotten softer about the situation.

His girlfriend was crying now. And he was the reason behind it.

But what about that promise he made?

Pfft! He was never good at keeping promises. And even worse at making ones he knew himself were going to be broken sooner or later. He knew that, and so did everybody who had known him personally. Who was he kidding when he said he'll rip apart the world if she ever even shed a single tear from now on?

Tzuyu curled up on his bed, pulling her knees closer to her. Her head buried itself between them. Her shoulders shook. She was crying. Those damned tears refused to give her poor eyes some rest. And not just for today. Days and days before.

Each sob was a sharpened knife to his heart, but he kept still. I think we need to talk. Those were the last words spoken, and yet, even as simple as a name, a single word hadn't been uttered for the past ten minutes. His hands were killing to touch her and the resistance was proving futile itself. But he remained fixated at his spot.

After loads and loads of courage, he finally managed to say something, his voice soft and deep. "Tzuyu," he mumbled. Somehow, the word felt foreign to his brain and he regretted opening his mouth as soon as that name rolled off his tongue. Her trembling ceased to a stop, a complete stop as the air around her went rigid. She, ever so slowly, lifted her head and the pain it caused her was clearly etched on her tear streaked face. There was a small bump forming on her forehead, somewhere between red and purple. The throw in the car must've been pretty hard, he realized. And he felt ashamed of his actions.

Burning under her hard gaze, he cleared his throat to say more but that just threw him into fits of coughs he'd been holding since his own tears threatened to blow up. Instinctively, Tzuyu jumped up from his bed and soothingly, began patting his back. Her touch was so gentle that his throat halted immediately with the raspy pressure. As she was about to distance herself from him to get water from his side table, he swiftly slid his fingers into hers and pulled her back. Maybe a little too hard, but he didn't regret it. She yelped as her foot tripped on the carpet buckle and her body flew into his open arms.

He covered her into his embrace before she could escape or slap him hard on the cheek. A good slap . . . He could read her face and tell that's what she thought he deserved. Despite not being the one all wrapped up, he felt safe with her under his arms.

Like before.

Like it used to be.

If he could apologize to her a million times, he would. He would, and would even hurt himself if he had to. But there was a bursting pain in his chest that forbid him to do so. He loved her but . . . No. He had been caused enough pain all his life that he kept finding himself unable to forgive. The hate and the anger that churned inside him for not being listened to was unbearable.

That phone call had crashed his world into shattered pieces of glass. The trouble he was having with keeping his feelings together and sorted, was worsening.

It was his mom who called.

Without bothering to think any further, he turned Tzuyu around and clasped his hands around her waist. She didn't resist. Relieved, he rested down his forehead on her shoulders. Closing his eyes shut, he let his tears pour out.

Tzuyu had missed this. Missed it so much. She felt her shirt soak through. Jungkook's muscled body shook, sending warm tingles down her spine. Relishing it all, she leaned back into him, her head on his shoulder. They stayed in that position and cried. Cried for all that pain that as lovers, or the true lovers they thought themselves to be, they had caused for each other.

All that she could manage to mutter through that unforgettable moment, and that sudden wave of anger, was, "Jeon Lisa, Jungkook?"

But at the same time, her ear were brushed with his shaky whisper. "Tzuyu . . ." he said. "She's divorcing him."