idol ⌮ kim yohan

39 | reality check

Yohan~

"Hey, how are you?" I asked Olivia as she lied down awkwardly in our bed.

"Can you at least give me back my phone? I'm so bored-"

"No! You're gonna stay here and do what I tell you to- if not, you're gonna lose everything. Don't you understand? I'm doing this for your own good." I dried my hair up after a long warm shower, then went beside her on the mattress.

"I'm losing my mind," she began to tear up as she looked blankly at the wall. "I want to talk to Tony or Junho... I wanna have someone I can trust."

"You don't trust me?" I hugged her from behind but she just cried harder.

"I'm scared of you."

"Is that so?" I kissed the back of her head while brushing my fingers into her silky dark hair. "I love you, Olivia. Sorry if I'm being this way- I've just been so stressed out lately. Don't worry, I'll always be here for you... I'm the only one you have."

"I'm scared..." she repeated herself. "I love you so much that it scares me seeing you this way."

__________________________

Olivia~

"Here, you can watch TV." Yohan handed me the remote and I clicked the on button. The first thing that came up is their reality show.

Of course.

"Have you seen it yet?" I curiously asked him while getting a bowl of pretzels.

"Not yet. Let's watch it together." He pulled me into his arms, and I winced. I don't know whether it's the fact that I feel so nervous.... I feel almost uncomfortable.

The whole show feels highly scripted. So much for a 'reality show'... after knowing how each member really acts, it's kind of unsettling seeing how controlled they are. They're all very nice people- the show doesn't capture enough of that.

I didn't dare to make any remarks, since it'll probably just upset him.

"The editing makes it look fun. It was hell shooting this show." He shook his head while laughing his ass off at Dohyun.

"Do you like your friends?" I quietly asked, scared for his reaction. It might be a sensitive question.

"Sometimes. Depends who they are," Yohan answered almost too casually. "It's normal to not like some of your friends sometimes. I know lots of them trash talk me all the time. They want to be centre."

"Is that so?" Or maybe it's just a conflict between yourself. It's always been the case for you...

"Why do you keep asking me? You want to see Junho again? Are you guys having an affair?" His eyebrows furrowed.

"Why do keep making assumptions about me?" My eyes began to water because of his endless insults. "I'm trying so hard to be worth enough for you... it's tiring."

"Why don't you just shut your mouth-"

"Why can't you just be nice to me? So what if you're a fucking idol? Before I came into your life, you were just a flop. You're so selfish, Yohan- if you're going to steep this low, you won't get anywhere much further." I couldn't hide my anger anymore.

"H-How could you say that to me?" He started to get angry and I suddenly felt so bad. No... that's not what I meant to do.

"I'm sorry." I looked down and began to panic. I didn't mean to.

"I let you in my house, my life- I can easily get any girl I want, but I still chose you. Do you know how lucky you are? Now you're calling me selfish? Is this how we thank people now?" He threw the remote onto the wall and it broke into pieces. I winched at the crashing sound.

"I'm so sorry..." I repeated nervously.

"You're not sleeping in my bedroom from now on. If I see you sleeping on the damn couch, I'll throw away all your stuff. You only deserve to sleep on the floor." Yohan stormed off into his room and closed all the lights.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to upset you.

___________________________

I HAVE A BIG PROJECT TODAY CALLED THE G4 AHHH IM SO SCARED BUT AFTER THIS I HAVE NO SCHOOL FOR THREE DAYS BLESS:'')))

Song: ERIC NAM (에릭남) — Hold Me