You and I ◆Harry Styles◆

Chapter 34

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VeronicaStyles: Harry's mood after finding out that I changed my instagram handle to VeronicaStyles. 

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Harry is busy filming with James Corden so I'm left alone with Alexander who has been on his best behaviour. 

My roots have really been showing so I'm wondering if I should let my hair go back to its natural colour or if I should dye my hair again. 

"Mummy park." Alexander excitedly points to the playground and I laugh at his reaction. 

"We still have to walk a bit." I tell him and his smile drops.

It's been hard calling him Alexander since I'm so used to calling him Ephraim. Harry calls him Alex but I think that Alex is quite basic so I'll stick to Alexander which is a strong name. Since I'm calling him by his first name, he is now starting to respond when people call him.

People started to assume that he was deaf but he isn't. He would just respond to Ephraim since my family and I called him that or he would answer to Alex because Harry calls him that.

We spend almost three hours at the playground until Alexander fell asleep which proved to be a problem since he is quite heavy and I am pregnant. The journey home was not easy since I had to carry him home because I stupidly left my phone at home.

I'll be honest, I cried a little but it will be a lot worse when Harry is gone because I'll have a toddler and a newborn.

Once we got home, I got us showered, answered any text messages that I received before falling asleep besides Alexander.

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The past few days have not been easy since Harry has been rehearsing a ton, we barely see him around the house and I have not been coping well. Alexander has become really attached to his dad so being without him has caused me a lot of issues. 

Anne is visiting Gemma in London so she's not available. My parents and Chad have flown back to the UK because Chad needs to do his hospital check up and exam. I didn't want to bother anyone because it's getting to a point where I feel like I don't know how to care for my son.

I thought that we would get closer since Harry is not here but we are actually working on eachothers nerves.

"Get out of my sight." I slightly move Alexander away as he begins to throw another temper tantrum. "ALEXANDER STOP!"

This boy has developed some serious anger issues and I feel that I'm going to stop these play dates that he goes on because he has come back a different child. 

He has totally trashed his playroom and I'm not impressed. I don't have the energy to fix up the room which pissed him off so he proceeded to draw over his wallpaper. I went to stop him and he started throwing shit at me so I slapped the shit out of him because he is really pissing me off.

"I can't do this." I cry on the phone to Rosie since she doesn't live too far from me. I know that she has her own issues to deal with but I am reaching my breaking point. 

"I'll be there in fifteen minutes, hold on until then." The phone clicks and I put it down.

The next fifteen minutes are a mess as Alexander throws a temper tantrum. For the first time, I really don't know what to do. All of this is really making me question if whether I could do this on my own. I would hate to tell Harry to cancel or postpone his tour because I know that he would do it but it would hurt him.

Once I hear the doorbell, I practically run over to it and pull it open. I had texted Rosie the code to the gate because I didn't know if I would be able to unlock it with Alexander behaving like this.

"Hey hun, how are you doing?" She puts her son down before pulling me in for a much needed hug. I find myself breaking into tears and she tightens her grip around me. "It's alright, just let it all out."

"I can't do this on my own." I confess. "He's too much."

"Let me go talk to him." Alexander let out a yell and Rosie's eyes widen. "You stay with Jack while I talk to Alex."

I faintly nod my head.

 I shut my front door before smiling down at Jack who is smiling at me. As if knowing that I'm not ok, he pats my thigh.

"Baby." He says before chuckling as he places his hand on my stomach. "Smile."

Ten minutes later and the house is quiet. Rosie instructs me to get my bathing suit before we set off for the private beach that is for the residents only.

Since there is no one on the beach, we get ourselves settled before enjoying the warm weather. I don't know what Rosie said to Alexander but he is in a much better mood which makes me feel relieved but I also feel bad for losing my temper with him.

"You ok?" I ask Alexander who is attempting to build a sandcastle. "Alex?"

"I'm good mummy." He smiles up at me. "Come build with me."

I struggle to get down on my knees so I end up just sitting on the sand, "What are we building?"

"A BIG BIG CASTLE!" He shouts while showing me how big he wants it and I can't help but smile.

"I'm sorry for giving you lots of slaps." I tell him as I look at his face. He just shrugs his shoulders at me. "Are you going to be a good boy now?"

"Yes." He looks at me. "Sorry for giving you lots and lots of hit."

I place my hand on his shoulder, "It's ok but don't do that again. You hurt mummy and you almost hurt your brother. We can't have that happening and we really need to work on your behaviour."

"Ok mummy." He leans forward and kisses my cheek.

Thank God.

I hope he understood what I said.