Running For Miles | ✓

13 ➳ Jump Off Of A Cliff

RUNNING

FOR   MILES

It's been a week since the party. A week since I left my room. A week since I left bed. A week since I've taken proper care of myself.

I feel as though I've been destroyed, I have no strength left in me to do even the simplest things, like brushing my hair, showering, eating and over sleeping.

Don't get me started with school. I haven't been to that torturous hell in a week, I couldn't bare the strength or mentality to get out of my bed and go there. It's the place where everyone is looking at me, judging me, all because of the stupid video and now this party have both managed to make the talk of the whole academy.

I've pretty much shut out the world for the week I've been in my room. I will be the first to admit that I'm scaring my father and brother, numerous times they've come up and tried to coas me out of my room but it never worked I just had no energy not even enough to argue or speak to them.

Now you're probably wondering why or how I've managed to slip into this state of depression. Let's just say that its multiple small things that I've kept bottle up inside me for way to long.

One being the fact that my father did find out about the party that was held at our house. He was bound to know, he is sheriff for crying out loud, I believe someone called him complaining about the noise because it is a gated community and it is relatively quiet, they then probably proceeded to tell him the address they suspected the noise was coming from and he would have known it was in fact his own house.

When he got home he was all cool, calm and collected, not a single bit or worry or anger on his face, Sam and I had cleaned that house like there was no tomorrow, we even managed to get everyone that was still in the house out and put everything back to how it was.

All he said when we sat down to eat breakfast was, 'I'm surprised how well you guys cleaned up this place.', I pretty much fainted at his words but he proceeded on to explain that he will let this go because he knows that I've been through something terrible and that if throwing a party will help me get over it then he didn't mind as long as I'm safe.

Second being two words, Lila Hayes. This girl has managed to make my life a living hell, it's like she's Satan's daughter or better yet the devil herself. She's the one that told people about the supposed party at my house, which then lead me to have an anxiety attack and she's the one that has been treating me like I'm worth less and like I don't fit in ever since the day I started at Dayton Academy.

I really don't think I can do this anymore, I can't handle all the shit she's putting me through, I tried being strong and I really thought that I would be able to handle it fine but if I'm being honest I'm not as strong as I thought I was.

The third and final thing being the constant thoughts of Boston Kain. I can't get his stupid face out of my head whether I'm day dreaming or even having a dream while I'm asleep his face always manages to pop into my subconscious. I've even gone to the extent of dialing his number and just sitting there staring at my screen, well at the call button on the dial pad of my phone.

For the week I've sat in my room I've pretty much just ignored the whole world all together, my brother would come in occasionally to offer me food and water but I declined each time I clamed I 'wasn't hungry', he would then claim it was 'Bullshit and that I need to eat.' but I can't force myself to eat if don't even have the energy to pick up my phone or even lift my head off of my pillow.

At the lowest point of my depressive state I contemplated taking my father's sleeping pills because at the start of it I felt as though I just couldn't do this anymore that life just wasn't worth living. I don't think I want to pretend to be some sort of strong as I've been through enough that I've had to be strong through.