Running For Miles | ✓

14 ➳ I'm Just Fucked Up

RUNNING

FOR  MILES

I heard the front door slam, confirming that Lila had left, as I continued to run up the stairs with my arms filled with my tater tots, ice coffee and all the notes that Lila had bought over for me.

I still can't believe that she somewhat cared enough about me to bring over work that I had missed and trying to help encourage me to go to school tomorrow.

It almost makes me want to go.

Opening my bedroom door, I place all of the notes onto my bed neatly. I look down at my brown paper bag and realise that I should really go talk to my brother.

I feel horrible for making him worry about me, it's the last thing I want him to do, I never want him to worry about me as I feel like I've put him through enough the last year or so.

Letting out a sigh I let my feet automatically take me out of my room and toward my brother's bedroom door. I knock on his door twice, once I heard the yell to come in, I open the door and peak my head into his room.

Sam's room is actually surprisingly tidy for a twenty-one-year-old male, its way cleaner than mine which I hate to admit. His walls are a light shade of grey, his furniture only consisted of his bed, dresser and television, which is very minimal but makes his room look pretty bare. Though his walk-in closet door was covered in pictures of when him and I were younger and his lacrosse days.

"Can we talk?" I whispered lowly as I looked down at my feet.

"Always kiddo." he smiled from his bed as he patted the spot next to him.

I entered and shut the door behind me, I climbed onto his bed and sat cross legged in front of him. I handed out the paper bag offering him my beloved food.

He tiled his head confusedly, "Its a peace offering." I stated.

"You never ever share your food." he scrunched his eyebrows together. "This is some twisted trap of yours isn't it?" he rambled.

"It isn't I promise." I said holding out my pinky finger and waiting for him to link it with mine so I could pinky promise him that I wasn't lying.

"Fine." he said giving in and grabbing the bag out of my hand, "Maybe just one." he said as he grabbed out one of the golden pieces of goodness.

"So, whatever you wanted to talk to me about must be pretty important." He said through a mouth full of tater tots.

Oh, right.

"Yeah well I just wanted to say I'm sorry." I paused, "I'm sorry I've put you through hell this past week." I said not being able to make eye contact with him.

"It's fine, I knew that you needed space and that you would come and talk to me about it if or whenever you were ready." he stated as he heard him put down the bag.

"It's really not fine, I shouldn't have done that to you both, it's just..." I paused again to try and figure how to word what I wanted to say, "Complicated?" I breathed but it came out more like a question.

"It's okay, you know you can tell me anything and I won't judge you in the slightest kiddo." he said softly

I knew it was true and I knew I could tell him everything from Lila to Boston but I still don't want to tell him all about my stupid problems but I'm torn because a part of me is dying to tell him everything because I'm reality I simply can't keep this bottled up much longer.