Running For Miles | ✓

15 ➳ Drugs Are Bad

Running

For Miles

Ugh Tuesday, it seems to be Monday's ugly cousin.

I'm tired, relatable I know but I think I could be more than tired, maybe I'm exhausted? Emotionally, mentally and physically.

It was hard getting out of bed this morning due to my depressive episode that somehow managed to last a full week and because I stayed up pretty late last night trying to cram every bit of information that I managed to find useful from the study notes that Lila gave me.

Why can't I memorize notes like I can memorize song lyrics?

I ended up passing out at three thirty in the morning as I was unable to keep going it was starting to cause me literal pain. I awoke to my brother trying to shake me awake as he thought I was dead, which resulted in me yelling at him and then thanking him with an apology as I was running late to class.

Once I was ready for school Sammy insisted in driving me as he didn't want me skating to school as it would take far too long and just make me later, but in reality, I knew that he was still worried about me.

For some reason I feel okay. Kind of, I mean I feel a lot better than I did but I still feel as though I could crash and burn, I still don't feel fully alive and happy. I still feel like I'm stuck between two worlds, both being two different kinds of hell and I don't know which one would be the best one to pick over the other.

One world being Boston's type of twisted hell and the second being Lilas.

I still don't really know how I should feel about Lila. She confusing and I just don't know what to do about it anymore. I don't know if today she's going to be scarily nice or just a fucking bitch like she normally is.

So that brings me to now, walking down the long corridor the walls covered in grey lockers and teenagers huddled around talking amongst themselves. But as soon as they caught sight of me the once loud and slightly chaotic hallway seemed to go quiet, only soft whispers were heard, I kept my head down low and tried to ignore the snide comments I picked up.

"Ew it's the slut." a girl said disgustedly to her friends.

"I hope she gets water spilt on her shirt again, she has a pretty good rack." A jock said to his friends.

"I thought Eden died, what's she doing here?" a girl asked her friends.

The things were disgusting and made my blood boil but I still felt flat and empty like I had nothing in me to actually yell at them and give them a piece of my mind but hey there's always another time.

I walked into health class, still my head down and my hood over my head, it was a failed attempt to hide myself from everyone but it didn't seem to work as people had recognized me in the hallway.

As I made my way into the classroom, I had noticed that I had just come on time as the teacher seemed to be just getting ready to start the lesson and Miles, Lila, Lakyn and Blaire were all seated down int their seats around the classroom.

"Your hoodie isn't part of the dress code," grinned sarcastically as I walked past her, "just so you know."

She's right, it isn't but I just wanted to wear it because I've felt so anxious and depressed, the hoodie I was hearing was in fact my brothers and it smelt heavily of him which seemed to calm my nerves slightly as I know that he's the one person that truly makes me feel safe and secure. Cringe and weird I know but it's the truth I really don't know what I would do without him sometimes.