Running For Miles | ✓

21 ➳ Option Two

RUNNING

FOR MILES

It's been a rough week. No, no let me word that; it's been a rough fucking month. 

This month has been nothing but a whole fucking heap of unfortunate events that have managed to make me hate life more then so already do. 

First, it's been three weeks since I last spoke to Hanna. That's the longest in probably almost two years that I haven't talked to her. I'm not going to lie I miss her soft innocent voice and how she would babe on and on about random stuff that's been happening in her life. 

I miss my best friend. 

Now I know she's ages away and that I haven't seen her in a few months since I got away from Boston but fuck it feels like she was the last person on this earth that actually cared about me. Like she was actually interested in my boring good for nothing life.

But it's my fault. I fucked up and now there's nothing I can do to fix it. 

Well I mean if I just called her and apologised then maybe things would be okay, Hanna is pretty understanding but I don't know if I want things to go back to normal, what if I just fuck things up again?

I'm so fucking exhausted, physically, mentally and most importantly emotionally. I'm mainly emotionally exhausted as I've just pretended to be happy for a month.

Day in day out I wake up wanting to cry and not really be alive because I know I have to straight away put on a fake smile for the people around me so that I don't worry them with my pathetic problems.

So, before I go to school, I make sure to paint a happy face and tie my converse in a double knot; hoping... no, no praying that its believable enough and that the day will end quickly so I can go home, hide in my room and wallow in self-pity.

Don't even get me started on school. This week well month has also been shit because school doesn't feel the same after the detention well food fight. What I mean is, everyone seems to be acting different.

When Lila and I pass each other through the halls we don't share death filled stares, Lila doesn't even utter a word my way which is really surprising since she's been out to pretty much destroy my life the day, I came to this stupid school. Now it's just a blank stare as if these last few months of her being the nasty bitch she is was nothing, like it never happened, as if we were strangers just going by with our days.

Hale hasn't really talked to me, well I talked to him one about collage but that was about it, he didn't bring up our conversation that had occurred in the library during detention, the one about how he wanted another chance, to show me that he isn't like his friends. I haven't given it much thought as to whether I was going to give him a chance or not. I don't see why I should, he's just a careless monster like his best friends..

On the other hand, Lakyn Westbrook hasn't so much as battered one of his dark brown eyelashes my way, it's like almost every time I even see him whether we are in the same class, passing each other down the hall or even in the cafeteria. I haven't seen those icy cold eyes that were normally glazed with red around the whits of it or even his big dilated pupils, in what felt like forever, I missed them, glancing down at me as he talked about Lila or well anything for that matter. 

Blaire has been plain old simple Blaire Young. She hasn't stopped being a bitch, I don't think she ever will if I'm being completely honest. You can tell that she will never grow up and be an adult she's to stuck being a childish she keeps giving me hate ridden looks with dashes of disgust.