Running For Miles | ✓

70 ➳ It's Just Us Now

RUNNING

FOR MILES

EDEN'S POV

After spending the entire afternoon at Melrose's coffee house, talking amongst the four of us, we finally made the decision to leave as it is the day that both Lakyn and I have been dreading for a few days or well weeks now.

Lila and Hale's flights were around seven-thirty or eight. They had both luckily managed to get flights close to each other's so that they could leave at the same time as we all thought it would be easier for all of us to say goodbye.

But how the fuck would this make it easier?

I've already had to say goodbye to my older brother a few weeks ago as it was his funeral, I don't want to have to say goodbye to my best friend in the whole wide world and my boyfriend who I have finally just got back in my life.

The last few weeks or well month hasn't been easy, I have been in and out of therapy for weeks and the occasional doctor's appointment. Every morning I wake up to a large concoction of pills that I have to swallow when I get up and then once again when I go to sleep.

It sucks, but it's the only way I am going to get better... for them.

The death of my brother has had a massive impact on everyone, not just me and my father. For the first few weeks, we had been getting home-cooked dinners from the community, mainly consisting of lasagna and other easy meals that we can just reheat.

He's not here but he still manages to linger. 

I see his face in the simplest of places, that being around town to even our ghost-ridden house. I try to avoid looking into his once bright face that is just a mere dusty flash of memories of the past but I can't help myself but steal small glances as I try to tell myself it's not real.

But it feels so real, it feels like he's still here and I hate it.

I went into his room for the first time in a while when no one was around. Nothing looked like it had changed it was neat but yet messy from it being lived in, but in reality, it hadn't been lived in for one month, five days, and eight hours.

The outline of his body was still embedded into his sheets, sheets that he used to hold me in when I had nightmares, sheets that he would allow me to have sleepovers in, sheets that we used to use to make forts in.

Defeatedly I couldn't bring myself to wash them, as they still smelt strongly of him and I couldn't let that leave, not now anyway. Instead, I had just sat there, tears streaming down my eyes wondering why you had done this, why you couldn't have talked to me.

But realization had kicked in as what if he had tried talking to me? What if he had called my phone a million times that night. But I would never answer as Boston had taken my phone and probably threw it somewhere where I would never find it again.

I'm so fucking sorry Sam. I'm so fucking sorry that I wasn't there when you probably needed me. I'm so fucking sorry that I haven't been home in months I wish that you knew the real reason, instead of probably thinking that I just up and left for no reason.

I just want my big brother back. Even if it's just for a minute or an hour, any time I could get with him would be more than perfect.

So, nonetheless, it's been hard but all thanks to Lila and Hale they have managed to make it slightly easier by taking my mind off of what's happened as they have both haven't left me alone, since that night. 

Lila has permanently moved into my room with me, she says it's because she doesn't want to move back in with Lakyn which I understand but I also feel like she is doing it simply because she's scared that I might try to end my life.