Take Me Back To Paddington (SERIES)

Chapter 3 - The Decision

The morning traffic was all I could hear, ruining the start of my day that begged for aplomb. I was entrenched in pain, which was caused by my own self according to Lisa. Everything was my fault, she said. Even if I was hurt without doing the same to other people, it was me to be blamed for allowing it. Even if I was taken advantage of, it was still me who responsible for my own wellbeing. Even if life and demons turned into accomplices to curse my existence on this earth, it was me who had to be strong and stop whining about everything. That was Lisa's perspective towards frustration, sadness, or basically all that she saw as weak energies.

I didn't agree with that kind of thinking since we had no power against what others had in mind. We had no idea of what the future held for us; good or bad things that might happen. Nobody could tell fate even if they exchanged the idea of it with money. Money couldn't buy the reality, only pain could. Thus, there was no reason to blame myself for the things I got no control over. All the rights to be sad and disappointed were mine to embrace as a human with a heart. At least that was how I thought about it.

But I couldn't say Lisa was completely wrong either. Both of us had different backgrounds and upbringing, which were the elements that shaped one's attitude towards life. She was raised by a single mother who needed to be tough for her daughter, and so she resembled the strength that was shown to her since she was little. Lisa hated to act or to be seen as weak, she even disliked the image of it especially if it was portrayed by me. She had been working so hard to make me strong, teaching and advising about how to react towards problems. I guessed even those were still not enough to train me the way she wanted me to be.

My legs sped up when I reached Barking station, fitting in with other's who were going to work just like myself. It was full and busy as usual, but as long as everybody kept walking, you would reach the platform sooner or later. Yet not even the watch around my wrist managed to keep me going when my phone rang, and seeing Lisa's name on the screen just beat my purpose to reach Camden on time.

Then I took one of the corners along the station as a pit stop, already missing the first call she made because I didn't want to be that huge stone in the middle of the river. Also the further I got in the tube station, the worse the reception would be, which had a high tendency in pissing Lisa off if she had to repeat herself just because I couldn't hear what she talked about. It was better if I stopped somewhere and only focused on the call.

Leaning against the red and blue underground marking on the wall, I stared at my phone and waited for another call...if she would ever make one. It wasn't like I really wanted to talk to her anyway, we hadn't talked for days after the argument we had in her apartment. To be honest, I was still upset about her kicking me out from her place that night, as if she didn't even care about my safety. That was why I had been ghosting her, not responding to any of her calls and messages, and also regarding her not thinking about our future together that sliced my heart into pieces like my knife could.

I understood that it was me who was attracted to her first, in fact, I still remembered that day like it was just yesterday. She had a black coloured long jacket to match with her straight and strong body posture, looking like the most gorgeous woman I had ever seen. Her face was numb; no smile no anything, appearing like she was emotionless and fierce. Lisa was just...extraordinary looking, I could say.

But that didn't mean I couldn't get back what I had already given. Liking her first didn't mean I needed to always put more effort on her. She could do the same like I did for her. Relationship would only work if it was fought by the two people in it. Because it takes two, always. Even if she took time to love me back and made me wait, that didn't mean she should stop either. She could be taking all the time in this world and loving me one second more every day at the same time. That was how I preferred it to be done, and I told her about it until I lost my voice.