Diary? Idk..

Again

I'm so tired..

I think all the shitty things I've done to my body is finally catching up with me

I'm fine though..

I will be atleast

I keep thinking back to last night

I contradicted myself

and managed to upset someone

I really wish I had my blade

I just wanna feel the pain and the burn again

Shoving ice cold wet tissues on my arm to make it burn even more

Then I'll proceed to punch myself or pick at the scabs

I don't know why

I just wanna feel that pain again

I wanna see the blood again

I want the scars

I want what I deserve

Idm why I'm so obsessed with hurting myself every time I fuck up

I really want to talk to someone but I'll be bothering them and besides every time I help them, I wanna say something about my experiences or how I feel but I need to get it thru my head that nobody cares

And if they did you would only get mad at them anyway

You contradict yourself

Then claim this claim that

I just need to get over myself