Diary? Idk..

Every night/morning

I don't like sleeping
I don't like the nightmares I have

I like sleeping
I like the lovely dreams I have

It goes both ways

But sometimes I just can't sleep

So I sit and I stare at things

I get this awful feeling

And everything crumbles

Then I get as thoughts

And I think to myself

All I need to do, is to survive until morning

I've still got a good feeling from someone giving a shit about me and hanging out/talking with them

So I guess the thoughts are mangeable

I just don't really wanna wake up and have to do this again

Do everything all over again

I've been pushing way to much with the eating

To the point that I think I'm gunna lose my appetite again

I mean nothing had any taste today, chocolate, noodles

It all had the same bland taste just different types of bland I guess

With the whole lack of iron thing-

I think it's true

My dad just shrugged it off like always

But to be honest I might try it

I'll just make sure I do research- I mean she said "one every morning in a cup of water or something and you'll feel better in a week or so" so I might try it

I just hate rolling around to my period

(Which by the way keeps not appearing and I think I've turned into the fucking Virgin Mary and got pregnant or some shit, but obviously not)

But I loose so much freaking blood

Like Jesus

Bathroom is a crime scene

(That's tmi Ik-)

Random

02:34 am thoughts ig

I don't even know how I feel

I'm not happy

Not sad

Not angry, or scared, or nervous, or anxious or excited

Just

Somewhere inbetween

And Jesus my heads getting louder

I hate this so much

Pens work

Draw red lines on my arm

It somehow substitutes

I mean I don't even know who I am?

Gender, sexuality, pronouns, what I want to do and why

I have no idea

And this shit is scary

I mean I start options soon

Anyway I'm gunna go have fun with my red pen

Cuz I plan on staying clean as long as possible

Adios