Diary? Idk..

Stupid.

It was stupid

If I thought I could I was wrong

If they thought they could help they were wrong

Jesus everyone is easily fooled

It's like second nature

I threw my blade in the bin

Like a fucking idiot

Because I thought it would make me better

But I swear to god I can't think about anything else

I want it back I need it back

I really need it

I just need that relief I need the scars I need the blood

I was stupid to think I was ready

I pushed so hard and I now I regret it

Everything's catching up with me and I can't run anymore

I just need it- I need the feeling.

Oh dear god I'm an idiot I really need it

I really was an idiot wasn't it?

I'm not ready to give it up now it's gone and it hurts

I just need it back

———

Edit: This was two hours ish ago, I didn't find it, I just sat there and cried rocking myself, I don't think I even have the energy to look through my bin and get it back

And besides it's probably dirty and would give me and infection and as suicidal as I feel my death would only cause pain. Yet I'm the one that has to suffer not them.