Diary? Idk..

Nope not again. Never again.

I keep letting my guard down. Waiting for something to happen. Waiting for something to change.

Nothing is gunna change

This is just the truth now. It is the truth and it always will be,

So..

Let that music fills your head

If nobody sees the pain

Then nobody needs to know

No emotions. I need to cold

Numb it all- lock it away

So something other than wait

Waiting gets you no where

If you grit your teeth

Harden your heart

Grown cold to emotions

Thing could get better

Maybe they could?

I'm sick of everything

Everything needs to stop

The thoughts the jealousy

It's all unnormal

And bad

And stupid

And weak

Maybe if I just don't do emotions

I can just numb everything

Then I can't get hurt..

Build walls

Build defence

So I'm safe..

Maybe that way I can do less harm

Everything I've tried never works

1. Grieve

2. Think through the emotions

3. Deal with them head on

4. Try therapy/counciling

5. Talk about them

6. Erase them.

Everything and everything failed me

Well I won't let myself be hurt or failed that

Nothing can hurt me if I don't let it

So I won't.

Edit; I let something happen. Just makes me accept this statement more.