Diary? Idk..

57

I couldn't think of anything sarcastic to put as the title

"Oh yes I'm very sorry I didn't imply that it was bad for all of us." This was this first time I've spoken out in ages Jesus

"Yeah it's not just you" he snapped back

"And can you stop fucking implying that I made this all about me and can you not make out that I'm a self centred prick?!"

"Then stop acting like it"

"Well at least I know I don't get my (I did this in air quotes) 'self centredness' from my 'mother'."

Then I slammed my door

Can he just not be a dick for 10 minuets?

10 fucking minuets

Like for god sake he tells me that I make it all about me but it's the other way around

He just-

The cunt

He just walked in my room without knocking "I'm gunna reboot the WiFi if you'll allow me." In a sarcastic tone

"Yeah well I'm using my fucking data. So everything can be better for you guys"

This argument started out with WiFi

Went to him taking his anger out on us emotionally

Then the WiFi again

He says mum was so bad but he's just as emotionally abusive

Maybe that's why they got along.

Or didn't

He makes himself out to be the victim

Whenever me or my brother talk about us and how we survived or whatever he instantly goes

"If It was hard for you, imagine what it would've been like for me"

Like fuck off you had a lucky escape

He makes everything about him and it pisses me off.

Also I realised something

1. (I already knew this) I'm a hypocrite I what people to notice but I push them away

2. In my attempts to make a few select of people notice I've actually become really fucking self centred

And two people are doing this really weird thing

Like their not 'copying' me but their like.. whatever I do, they do

And it's kinda un-nerving

And it pisses me off to no end

But because I'm soft I don't say anything

And not only that I'm scared to protect myself because others would get hurt

I had a choice to say something that would've defended me but it would've slightly hurt another person who I cared about (even tho they don't give a shit bout me) but I didn't

So I was made out to be a dick because I wanted to protect someone

This happened a while ago but it still pisses me off

Like people would quite happily just rip down my walls and hurt me they don't give a shit. No one.

But I wouldn't even dare touch their walls, I protect them sometimes even putting my own walls up around them so I take the damage not them

Why do I have to be so nice to everyone?

I'm getting hurt I'm 'taking damage'

While they just use me

And I'm not even sure if I have friends anyway

Like do they even fucking care?

But again as I said, I've become selfish

So I need to fix it

I think I'll update my rules again

But why not make it spicy?

Add a punishment then I'll actually obey them

Control is key apparently

And well done if you've actually read all of that, so far. which to be honest I know none of you give enough of a shit to do.

Anyway I shall continue

I have so much anger towards certain people and again because I'm too 'nice' I don't let it out and I just continue to keep my mouth closed

Because people are sensitive and if I said what I needed to they would probably think I hate them or they would get suicidal

There's so much I want to rant about, get off my chest-

I-

I know who I can talk to

Oh thankgod she's in my life

Imma go ask her if I can rant to her laters