Diary? Idk..

This is gunna be the end of me

Fuck

I pushed myself too much today

Being on a call with everyone

Then my step mum came over and she's staying the night

I've given two people reasons to not take a swan dive of a bridge

I've tidied my room and the kitchen (and I did the washing up)

I'm fucking emotionally exhausted

And I have to keep going

I'm just gunna put myself in my room and I'm staying here

I'll try and act asleep so everyone'll leave me alone

I'm just listening to songs on repeat

While music plays

I can feel everything right now

Every emotions

Every pain

The cuts, the scratch marks rubbing against my jumper

I can feel pain in my heart

It's the mental kind of pain though

Not physical

I just wanna smack my head into a wall so I knock myself out and then I can sleep properly

I keep having nightmares about self harm

And my mum

And weighing so much despite being thin that I can't move or get out of bed

I'm just so fucking tired

I wish I had one of those magical stop clocks

So I could pause time and just think

Or just sleep

I would love that so much

Maybe tomorrow will be better

Wishful thinking

But with everything going on anything's possible right now

Everyone's still fucking stupid

Every time some body's asked me if I'm okay I've said I'm good and they believe me, I pull a fake smile and I look fine

And nobody cares enough to ask a second time so that's that

I don't mind lying anymore

I think I'm gunna go to bed really early it's 9 something so I think I'll take a nap while I feel tired

Then hopefully I won't wake up until 10am+

Eh

I'm not bothered either way

I think I'm gunna clear my bed so I can atleast wrap up and be comfortable

I'm gunna okay roblox and just chill

And pray (I don't believe in god) that I'll fall asleep at a decent time

Well night whoever reds this

Don't die