Diary? Idk..

Dreams..

I had a dream..

And I had shorter hair, and I went to a different school, I don't remember what completely happened but I know that I ended up seeing my mum again, I remember crying and crying and saying things like this;

"You don't care! Because you left me!"
"I waited and waited but I waited for nothing- did you give up on me?"
"Do you even care about me?"

And then I walked away

A science class or something

I was friends with someone and there were blades, my mum for some reason was in the classroom, I took one and hid it but somehow she noticed?

She asked me about it when I was leaving and I don't wanna say what I said because it hurts..

She took it off me and hugged me

And then promised to see me every weekend

And then I had like a flash of memory's

And I was happy..

Then I woke up..

I don't remember most the dream but I remember every word clearly..

This isn't the first dream I've had about my mum.. and they always happen when I feel suicidal

Is that my way of telling myself to stay alive?

Brain verses heart?

Is it my way of saying it's time to move on?

Either way I wake up shaking and sometimes crying

So maybe I don't like the outcome for some reason? Is there apart if the dream I'm forgetting?