Diary? Idk..

Who knew leaves could hurt?

It was relaxing..

The leaves and pines cutting through my skin and stabbing my feet

I enjoyed it.. maybe too much..

I haven't done this properly for a while

So here we go;

They say only mad men walk without shoes

But I did it

I don't know what compelled me, my sense of rebellion?

Or maybe I'm going insane again

That would explain the numbing

Also my reasoning for not sleeping, eating or drinking

Oh moth

Oh beautifully dull moth

Why am I so?

And where did you go?

I showed you love and you left me..?

You even sat on my knee

We're you afraid oh so small being?

Did me being a human intimidate you?

Or did you see what I did?

We're you afraid of my anger?

I feared I would hurt you pretty moth but I didn't think it would be so soon

Maybe insanity has reached me

I can't feel yet I feel everything

There's a gentle smile on my face but I'm not happy

Oh moth, oh dull moth

Do you know what's wrong with me?

I long for Scarlett blood and the burning emotional and physical pain

I can't bring myself to do it

I think the pain plaguing my feet is enough already

A waste of bandages

But I suppose I could get more

I don't really want to go to that shop though

It isn't what it used to be and I'm scared of change

I used to love it because I could wonder around the isles knowing where everything belonged and where I needed to go

But now that's changed

It makes me feel sick and I'm not scared of that anymore

I guess that's just the adjustment kicking in

A paragraph of excuses of why I wouldn't scar my skin again

I doubt I'll listen but I guess the award of attempt goes to them

Oh moth what do you think?

My hearts beating fast

I can barley hear the music over my thoughts

But I'm calm

I feel as if more memories are slipping away slowly

I want to remember but I don't want the pain

The pain that plagues and destroys my body, breaks me down and uses my body and playground until I am nothing more than shattered glass that causes fear in the attempt to not get hurt

Maybe I'm just internally insane

If only you my precious being had answers to my endless torment

I'm asking the wrong person?

Your right.. I am the one torturing myself after all