My feet dangling off the edge of cliff giving my body a sense of flying with the birds. Flying freely with no care in the world.
I let of what seem to be my thousand breath. I was exactly where I always wanted to be but yet a part of me wasn't quite complete.
My grand baby healed my pain from my grief of leaving my only daughter behind, vanishing off the face of world. Every day that I was gone was pain that I felt I caused her, a memorization of abandonment. A scar that will never heal but yet she healed it. No pain no what ifs no issues It was like staring fresh, as if the moment she left my internal being was not the only happiness. As if no pain no bad memories flood our Brains. So Why was my legs dangling off the cliff? Am i seeking freedom to kill myself ? I was happy but yet Having No memory of pain is causing confusion of despair of lost of time. I felt has the pain kept me full but now I was starving as empty vessel lost of time. The words "jump!" Screaming in my head.
Other breath escape my lungs three thousand two hundred and four. Then three thousand two hundred and five. My heart seem to race continuous not in breath for second per minute. My eyes swelled up from a crying that couldn't seem to escape because my happiness was in my spirit but my emptiness was in my heart.
It had no reason to beat. Here now I feel it my chest contracting tighter and tighter as I feel like a bird shot in the wings swirling down to death. Fucking pain! Death Three thousand two hundred and eight nine fucking breaths. The say person who lives to be eighty will take about 672,768,000 breaths in a lifetime. But I know I will never make it.
"Mom." I quickly turn to face my daughter who at one point I knew I would never recognize her feminine tone saying 'mom' my real name. Now it was like I memorized every tone she changed from coo coo birth to woman's strong voice. A smile automatically appears on my face but was it because it was automatic or out pure happiness of love to see her. "What are you doing here?" She asked as she begins to sat right next to me, her warmth of her wolf mix with human makes me feel as heated furnace burning at its hottest flame ever produced. Which is was at 4990° Celsius made form forming dicyanoacetylene as fuel and ozone as the oxidizer. Simple science I had read from Helmenstine, Ann Article From,"Why Is Fire Hot? How Hot Is It?" Published from some magazine that toss on floor as my body travel from plane to plane. Did this make me smart ? No. It made me survive, words I memorized and learned to just escape my body. Yet a simple question seem harder than my brain memorizing words and my body hiding my pain. What was I really doing here? "I don't know." Three simple truthful words but what was going come next was an unknown. What was there really to say ? I love you but I'm emptier now than I have ever felt in my life ? Her simple hazel mix with brown eyes embroidered in me like needle in fabric. Her face show no expressions but yet the hint of eyes showed understanding. Then she moved her head straight forwards looking at sky, as I felt once again I was flying but she flew next to my pain. What felt like forever of awkwardness of silence she broke it first. "Mom, Ill understand if you have to leave."
Seven words after mom, almost saying my abandonment is healed but now your going to break it and it's going to feel like the first time. Once again I wonder what was the point of me here !? Three thousand three hundred and two. "I" Only word seems to fit in this second as I breathed again. "Hmm." Three thousand three and nine "I think." You fucking bitch I tell Red my wolf. A bad bitch who started this mess to begin with can't seem to fuxking help in this moment. Did she finally say fuxk all of you let's jump! No She said nothing felt nothing She just laid with her muzzle tuck under neath her legs. A nocturnal creature she was, slept all day and stayed awake at night to protect us from evil we always knew was there. "I need to leave." There it was the first cut, a truthful statement with double edge sword. Here came the silent bridge gates exploding with raging waters but it made no sound. It was a moving picture with no words or music. Three thousand three hundred and twenty three.
"Please say good bye this time."
Another dreadful reminder that even though pain was gone the truth wasn't. No matter what was physically happening to me and to her it was psychological warfare in our mind , heart and spirit. And he did this. Stephen, the Kings destin rightful Future Beta. A wolf who was born human. We were not humans born wolves but wolves born human. The story red had nothing to do with revengeful hate against a man who loved the wrong woman. It was the woman loved the wrong man. She loved until it broke the real destin path of our future. This wasn't a curse. Humans were. Who knew that more than Him. Stephan A wolf curse to be human.
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