Double Vexation ( A Harper's series. book 11)

Healing Or Hurting

"What am I suppose to do with that?" I mumbled to myself as I tossed my phone beside me on the couch.

Thing's have definitely been strange since we all returned back to New York. Maybe not strange but it hasn't went back to what it use to be. Laney and London mostly stay to themselves locked away in their apartment but I figure that's London's doing. Since the kidney scare and the surgery his main concern is Laney's health. Then there is Miri and Cole. Neither is much better but time heals right?

It just seems that the life has been sucked out of this place. Gone is the picking and playful manner that the Harper's were known for. Everyone walks around now with such serious expressions. It's as if a depression has sat in and a dark cloud looms over the building. Yes, they regained the Empire back, had their name cleared of all charges but they aren't the same people. Maybe they are being cautious and have no time to hold or perhaps they have just been through too much and it has all caught up to them. It saddens me see this family that I love and consider my own so distraught and defeated. Maybe they just can't take this lifestyle any longer. Maybe they've lost what trust they've had and each feels partly to blame for the downfall. Maybe they accuse each other for being too careless and thinking it could never happen to them.... And maybe, just maybe they will pull out of this once the healing process takes place.

As for me I feel like an outcast. I've been staying in a smaller apartment a few floors down having lost my apartment across town due to being gone too long and not paying rent. However I don't mind, with everything that's taken place recently I feel safer here. Plus most of the Harper's insisted I stay due to safety precautions. Many night's I've wondered if I should just lack up and go, start over somewhere fresh but sadly they are the closest thing I have to family and I'd hate to lose that but I don't want to be a burden either. Or possibly I want to run so I don't have to address feelings that I've tried so hard to avoid.

Yes, I know the thing's CJ has put me through and I feel that being apart is the best for the both of us but that doesn't turn my feelings off for him. I'll always hold a place in my heart for him and regret that we couldn't work out. He was the first man to show me what true love was but he was also the first man to break my heart in so many different ways. This is why this decision is so hard. For several night's CJ has called me because he can't sleep from worry. I understand that seeing both of his parent's so down and out is hard but I'm scared of what may happen if I go to him like he's asked of me. We are both vulnerable and our emotions are high bad thing's could happen. The last thing I want is to end up in his bed only to regret it later and feel used. However there is this nagging part inside me that saying to go to him, he needs you right now. I guess you can blame it on my caring nature. I've always been one who likes to take care of people and be there for them even though I may get hurt in the end.

After a few long moment's and against my better judgement I found myself making my way to CJ's place. He just sounded so sad and worried over the phone that I would feel guilty if I didn't at least check on him personally. Before I left my place I made his favorite coffee in hopes of cheering him up. Once at his door I paused before knocking. Smoothing my rumpled pajamas in place, I finally tapped lightly. Within in seconds the door opened and CJ peeked out wearing only his pajama bottoms which hung low on his hips revealing that so sexy V line. Trying not to gaze at his naked chest, I forced my eye's to meet his. Smiling softly I handed him the coffee. "Figure you could use this. It's your fav".

CJ smiled back and took the cup and inhaled the aroma. "Mint chocolate chip. I haven't had one in so long. Thanks and I really did need this. Come on in Alice". He said opening the door wider.

I hesitated and stuttered. "I really shouldn't. It's late and I'm in my pajamas. I just wanted to bring you the coffee" .

"Please Alice. I could really use the company and a friend" . CJ said with a hint of a pleading tone.