Love & Lust

Chapter 49

Belle Fawn

The morning had came faster than I anticipated not that I would have gotten any sleep otherwise. The fact that I have to potentially break Nathan's heart today, hurts. Right now Nathan is the only thing on my mind. I hate that I'm going to hurt him more than I've ever hated anything. It was indescribable, I almost called my mom to talk to her but, she'd only yell at me about how much of a mistake I made.

I couldn't handle that right now.

I texted Nathan the moment I woke up and had him meet me at the cafe. The cafe door that I have been staring at from my car for the past thirty minutes. I seen him walk in, I seen the smile on his face, the smile that was happy to see me. Knowing what I did killed me, it especially killed me knowing I'd destroy him. I tried to get my head on right before opening my car door and making my way into the cafe.

The scent of all of the brewing coffee calming me in a way but, not nearly enough. I walked in the back where we usually sat to see him peacefully sitting and waiting.

Here goes nothing, "Hey." he turned around with a grin on his face.

"Hi beaut-" his tone went low and his eyebrows creased in concern when he seen my face, "What's wrong?"

"I'm so sorry Nathan." I blurted, feeling my chest ache when I seen his eyes fill with confusion until second by second, he realized.

His body tensed as he caught my orbs, his features struggling to stay on one emotion. He looked away quickly before shaking his head slowly.

When he looked back at me with his brown distant orbs he questioned, "For what?" he knew what, he wanted me to say it.

"I-Nathan I'm sorry." I couldn't even say it because, I hated it.

"For what?" he suddenly gave me a humorless laugh, not meeting my eyes anymore, "Choosing Liam over me or not bothering to tell me before you did."

"I-"

"I mean is that where you were yesterday with Liam?" he asked, standing up from his chair and I looked down.

He scoffed, "Of course." The air was silent and I was glad no one was here to witness this, "You know I waited for you.." he trailed off and I peered up at him, "I waited for you and that makes me a fucking idiot because, after all my effort you still didn't choose me."

This was worse then I'd expected, he was so mad I didn't think he would forgive me. Hell of course he wouldn't I broke his heart. He has every right to not forgive me. I don't forgive me, I hate me, I hate that I'm hurting him right now.

"Nathan you're not an idiot!" I defended, "I did have feelings for you."

He spoke harshly, "Clearly not enough." he shook his head before walking passed me.

My heart ached and I felt like I just lost an important piece of myself.

•••

As soon as I got home I got back in bed and just sat there, it was the weekend luckily. I should be happy and planning a night with Gracie. Yet life doesn't work that way because, I felt so bad about Nathan but, it was my own fault. I hurt him and he has every right not to forgive me. On the other hand I thought about Liam, I thought about where we stood, what was going to happen and what he was doing right about now.