Love & Lust

Chapter 64

Liam Black

I take it back.

I take it all back, all of the vulnerable moments, the rants, the talks. Everything that was private and I never told a soul about, I wanted it back now. I knew that it was safe with Belle but, my insecurities told me it wasn't. That she'd eventually use my weakest points as a weapon of disaster against me. That she'd realize how ruined I am and how I'd ruin her one day by dragging her down with my shit.

That dinner really dug up parts of myself I thought were gone when I met Belle.

Last night was me taking all of that frustration I had out on her. She didn't do anything wrong but, I needed to feel control and she knew that. The words Charlie said in the kitchen to me were lingering in my head. 'Man just seems to have it all together' if he had it all together, what the fuck was I?

My gaze drifted down to her face, her eyes were shut and her chest was slowly going up then down. Her brown hair framed her face perfectly. The sun shining against her light freckles that were scattered across her nose. I smiled slightly, she was so beautiful and I didn't deserve her. I knew I didn't, she needed someone who didn't constantly hold onto shit that should have been long forgotten about.

It was fucked how one person could plant a seed of words and they'd blossom into a negative flower of overthinking. She did need someone who had it together. Not someone that wanted to be selfish and push her away when things got too negative. It was nauseating because, I knew I wasn't the right choice and I was willing to fuck it up for myself. I was willing to be selfish despite how much I did want to be selfless for her, despite how much I want her.

That's what I hated the most, I'll always want to be selfless for her but, it doesn't mean I can be. For some reason that I blame my parents for.

I couldn't ever fully allow myself to be selfless for her, for anyone.

•••

Belle Fawn

I most certainly didn't get what I wanted when I woke up nor the day after that. In fact I'm sure he's grew colder since the last time he's touched me. We barely spoke never mind texting or calling. It made me crave his touch even more and knowing him maybe that's what he wanted. Especially with the ball just a day away.

The morning after he last touched me, I woke up to an empty bed. Some note about needing to run some errands was left on his bedside. Because, I needed to prepare for the ball I unfortunately left and I took Max because I've missed him so much. His cute little face will be the death of me. I've felt like I haven't been seeing him much and that was not okay.

"So the red lipstick or the dark red one?" I held the two small rectangle sticks in either hand.

Max tilted his head before he lifted his hind leg to scratch behind his ear. I sighed he's cute but, he's no help and Gracie was with Derek right now. At times like these I wish that I had a mother that I could actually talk to especially about things like this. I mean the ball was quite literally tomorrow and I still didn't know half of the stuff I needed to do. I already had my dress and my heels but, I didn't even know where to begin with my hair or makeup.

I also didn't know what purse I should take, a small one or average one? To be truthful I was never the stylish one I left that to Gracie. She usually would help pick out my clothes when we went shopping before college started. In the end I decided to accept defeat and plopped down against my bed. My mind drifting away to a certain dominant man.