Love & Lust

Chapter 44

Belle Fawn

The next few days were hard, I spent most of it in pain and in shock it even happened. It was excruciating seeing Liam everyday after what happened. If even seeing him meant glimpses. It didn't matter because, in those couple of seconds all of it would hit me. And it hurt so bad that I felt like I couldn't breathe, now I finally understood how Caroline felt.

I'd never thought I'd understand until now.

When I went home after that argument, the tears that fell were endless. I think I might have scared Gracie with how loud I was sobbing. She sat outside my room all night because, I just couldn't talk. I don't think she knew that I knew, she was there but, I was thankful she was. At least it gave me some stability that not everything was complete shit.

But, I did this to myself I knew I would get hurt, I just knew it. Gracie knew it too I just didn't care, now look at me, it was my own fault.

I couldn't quit the internship because, of him. My parents would literally have my head and I have way too much to worry about right now. Even if seeing Liam caused me so much pain I didn't even know was possible. There was always someone who could make me smile even with such pain in my heart.

It was Nathan, he knows things between Liam and I have ended. Obviously because, of him but, I didn't mention a word about Mads and Liam. Even if it was all I thought about. It was like that embarrassing memory you have lying around in your mind forever. Except instead of embarrassment it was pain, cruel harsh pain and betrayal.

Yet embarrassment still lurked around the corner, I was the one who was stupid enough to trust him with a blind eye because, of my feelings.

There were just so many emotions I felt about them being together. One being I wasn't enough if he wanted to have sex with Mads, he obviously needed more. I didn't give him that and that's why he did it. Second, I did something completely wrong to have led him to want another woman. Thirdly, he doesn't care about me, if he even had a shred of care for me he wouldn't have done it in the first place.

I wanted to believe that after everything I gave to him and after all of our time together. That I'd have to mean something to him that he'd have to care about me. But, I was wrong, I couldn't be more wrong and that's what makes me sick. I felt betrayed even after how much I trusted him. I trusted him with everything in me and he broke it.

He broke me, which was something I was trying to avoid all along and I couldn't.

The kiss Nathan and I shared has also been occupying my mind. I was so satisfied when we finally kissed but, instantly regretted the feeling when I seen Liam's face. We haven't talked about it since then but, I know I can't run from it forever.

"Hey." I looked up upon hearing Nathan's sudden voice, he smiled a little, "Lunch?"

•••

"So how are you feeling about..." he trailed off and I finished his sentence already knowing what his next words were.

"I'm fine." I lied with a smile he could obviously see through, but, he thankfully brushed it away with his own smile.

"Well if that's going to be your answer every time I ask, does that mean I can take you on a date already?" he questioned, which made my stomach flip and my eyes widen in surprise, "We've already got the kissing part of the date out of the way." he stared at me softly with his eyes boring into mine, "What do you say beautiful?"

Right here and then I couldn't find it in me to say no after everything he's been through with me. He wanted me even when I chose Liam over him and when I was mess. How could I deny him of one simple date?