Statehouse Headcanons

the states contact names

I was writing another "statehouse gc" thing and realized that some of the states probably have some stupid ass contact names for each other
so here-

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DC's contacts:
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Alaska- Alaska

California- California

Colorado- Colorado

Florida- Fucker #1

Goergia- Georgia

Hawai'i- Hawaii

Illinois- Illinois

Louisiana- Fucker #2

Maryland- Maryland

Massachusetts- Massachusetts

Nevada- Nevada

New York- New York

Pennsylvania- Pennsylvania

Rhode Island- Rhode Island

Texas- Texas

Utah- Utah

———

Florida's contacts:
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Alaska- t a l l

California- bottom energy

Colorado- weed man

DC- buzzkill <333

Georgia- peach dad :)

Hawai'i- miss hula

Illinois- Kevin McCallister

Louisiana- partner-in-crime

Maryland- crabby crab crab

Massachusetts- angry coffee bitch

Nevada- clapped them alien cheeks

New York- angry apple bitch

Oklahoma- oakland?

Pennsylvania- papa

Rhode Island- t i n y

Texas- small hands

Utah- book of moron

———

California's contacts:
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Alaska- soft tol

Colorado- april 20

Florida- chaos boy

Georgia- chaos dad

Hawai'i- bby

Illinois- route 66

Louisiana- chaos boys guard

Maryland- northern southerner?

Massachusetts- aggressively nice to me

Nevada- kakegurui masho

New York- Broadway

Oklahoma- oh klahoma

Pennsylvania- kinda old

Rhode Island- anger management

Texas- bonnie (or "cowboy bitch" depending on his mood)

Utah- not a bad musical

———

New York's contacts
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Alaska- he's ok

California- Hollywood boy

Colorado- straight green

Florida- gators and meth

Georgia- farmer boy

Hawai'i- protect

Illinois- deep dish

Louisiana- chugged straight vodka once

Maryland- too much old bay

Massachusetts- fuckface

Nevada- can't count

Oklahoma- texas' bitch

Pennsylvania- dating fuckface

Rhode Island- small and angry

Texas- 🤠

Utah- in narnia

———

Texas' contacts
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Alaska- I'm older

California- Poppy (sometimes changes it to "San Fran" or "Frisco" just to annoy him)

Colorado- has a problem

Florida- not a southerner

Georgia- not Atlanta

Hawai'i- Cali calls her wholesome

Illinois- Chicago

Louisiana- hurricane neighbor

Maryland- Mary (Cali constantly changes it to "Virgin Mary" whenever he gets the chance)

Massachusetts- rat

Nevada- also has a problem

New York- apple rat

Oklahoma- fight me

Pennsylvania- PA (can't spell it)

Rhode Island- 4'11

Utah- LDS (again, Cali likes to change it so LSD whenever Texas lets him on his phone)

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Imma just end this with dancing Florida