Statehouse Headcanons

incorrect statehouse! again!

damn near almost made the title "incorret statehouse"
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Massachusetts: Be the horrifying backstory of your family's linage
him and his brothers: 😗✌️

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Wisconsin: You call it "really bad at darts", i call it freestyle acupuncture
Some poor dude: Sir imma have to ask you to leave the bar

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-in the groupchat-

Washington: Guys I just saw a shadow in the corner of my eye, I'm kinda freaked out right now..
Alaska: Sorry

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Utah: Guys for the last time, it's called cauliflower, not ghost broccoli
Colorado: no I don't think so
New Mexico: I know what I saw

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Florida, holding a tarantula: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated
California, terrified with a knife: Killed without hesitation.

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Kayden: I'm a bad bitch you can't kill me!
Utah: ...Who taught him that?
Jaxon:

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Oregon: 13 year old me was sooo damn proud of not being like the other boys because i wasn't "girl crazy", hooty hoo dumbass there's a reason for that

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Utah: Why be sad when you can be dad
Jaxon: Dad are you okay??-
Utah: *somehow hugs all his kiddos while holding back tears*

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Gov: Are you worried?
CDC: About what?
CDC: But yes

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-le groupchat-

Rhode Island: New York hit us with you best meme
New York is offline
Rhode Island: Fucking sick dude

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Florida: Well well well, if it isn't memories of old childhood traumas I've been trying to avoid
Texas:
Loui: Okay Florida this is an intervention-

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Texas:
Hawai'i: Eat yo food bitch damn! Fuck you lookin crazy for!-
Gov: Hawai'i! Watch your language at the dinner table
Hawai'i: *death stare*

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California: I'm not wearing glasses anymore
California: Ive seen enough

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New York: Yes I'm eating a subway sandwich for breakfast. Yes ladies calm down, i can share if you'd like
New Jersey: The ladies are the 300 rats that follow him around
California: They're all ladies? That seems statistically improbable
New York: I'm a feminist

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Alabama: Okay, I dare you to-
Georgia: Florida isn't allowed to take dares
Florida: apparently I have "no regards for my personal safety" or something

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wah