Reborn into The Promised Neverland//RayxReader//

//Guilt//

(I'm totally not catching feelings for Y/N. I refuse. Although the abundance of drawings I've made for her says otherwise. Shhhsushshsush.)

As soon as we made it to the cover of the underground tunnels made by Sonju I collapsed on the ground. They were alive... Yuugo and Lucas... They were alive! I leaned my head against the wall of the cave, tears beginning to fall freely. 'I did it! I...'

"Y-Y/N!" I heard Jemima exclaim, the little girl giving me a hug. "W-why are you crying?? Are you okay??" She asked worriedly, her own tears falling.

I shook my head, sniffling, and wiping the tears from my face. "I'm okay." I said, wrapping my arms around her in a hug. The attention in the room was shifted to me while I calmed down.

"W-WE DID IT!!" The kids suddenly chorused, erupting in celebration. Several of them began crying from happiness or from the release of stress that was leading up until this moment.

The celebration passed as we began to simmer down, the younger kids falling asleep. Everyone 10 and up held a meeting of sorts- or more like we all ended up sitting together coincidentally, in the dim light of the glowing plants we stored in a lantern. I was chewing my lips as an uneasy feeling began to rise inside me.

After ensuring everyone was sleeping safely Yuugo and Lucas joined the circle we were sitting in. We were all silent, the guilt of killing so many beginning to weigh down on us.

'Their lives don't matter.' I told myself repeatedly. 'Not when placed up against Yuugo, Lucas, and everyone else's.' But no matter how hard I tried to bury my guilt it kept on rising to the surface. We killed people today. As pitiful examples of humans they were, they had a soul. No matter how both Sonju and Mujika were more human than them at heart. They died because of us.

We sat in silence longer and I felt the guilt in the room rising, making it hard to breathe. With a simple look around the room it was easy to see that the guilt was definitely hitting Emma the hardest.

I opened my mouth to speak, to say something reassuring, but nothing came out. What could I say? I looked back to the ground and chewed on my lip, picking at my hands as they rested in my lap.

"We took lives today." Yuugo's voice rang out throughout the room, cutting the unbearable silence. I"There's no going back from that." He sighed, scratching his head awkwardly. I blinked the tears that rose to my eyes away quickly. These children... I'd tainted them. They were innocent beings, but my interference changed that. After today... everyone involved... had I caused them to lose a piece of their humanity?

"I would've liked to avoid involving all of you." Yuugo said, Lucas nodding in agreement. "Children shouldn't have to bear the burden of taking human lives." He continued. I nodded my head slightly. I should've found a way to do this without involving them. But could I have? Was there a way?

I cleared my throat to keep the frog from rising any further. "Yuugo's right." I said, all the attention in the room turning to me. "You-you've all done something you weren't ever supposed to... to take away a human life, the very thing you're trying to preserve." I was failing against my battle to keep emotion out of my voice. "I'm sorry for involving all of you in this-" My voice cracked and I took a hiccuping breath. "For involving you in my stupid plan-" I surveyed the faces of everyone in the circle. Everyone was looking away from me, whether their gazes being directed at the floor, at their hands, or at each other, all of them seemed to refuse to look at me in the eye.'Sh*t. Have I done a bad thing?'

"I'm sorry, I should've found a way to deal with it myself, please forgive me-" I began apologizing frantically, but this time Emma looked up, her eyes snapping to mine.