Chapter 1

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One month later. (Present time)

"Nia are you ready, love?" I heard Kara's soft voice through the bathroom door.

"Yeah, could I just get a couple of minutes please?" I replied with a weak voice.

"Of course, I'll wait in the car." I waited for the front door to shut and when it did I let out a loud sob as I brought my baby's onesie to my face and took a deep breath in, it still smells like him. I neatly folded it then tucked it into my purse. After taking a few more deep breaths and washing my face, I walked out the front door.

Twenty minutes later we reached the graveyard. Kara looked at me with tears in her eyes, I gave her a sad smile and tightened my hold on her hand, "He's still with us, don't worry." She sighed and wiped her tears. We both got out of the car, grabbed the flowers and took our time to reach his headstone.

A young and kind soul. Alex Seymour November 16, 2019- December 12, 2020.

I let out a shaky breath as I studied the words on his headstone. This feels surreal. There's no way this is actually happening. Some days I feel lucky that I was able to give birth to a baby that amazing and convince myself that he's in a better place and everything will be okay. Other days, I feel like joining him. It's exhausting.

Kara started first, "Hey, buddy. How's my handsome little boy? I brought you your favourite toy." She paused to take it out of her pocket, "Look, it's Mr. Fluffy Muffin." She bent down to place it in front of his grave and continued, "I hope he keeps you a little warmer at night. We miss you, honey." She looked at me and let out a shaky breath before taking a step back.

I sat in front of him and caressed his name with my hand. "Hi, baby. Mama misses you so much, you know? B-but I'm strong, don't worry about me. I just hope you're okay. I...I don't want you to feel lonely, wherever you are. But when you got taken away from me, I gave you my happiness and heart to take as well, so you never feel alone. All the love I had to give is with you." I didn't know what else to say. I always felt ashamed when we came to visit him and I had to make it so negative. I couldn't help it.

Kara wrapped her arms around me and I couldn't stop myself from leaning into her and letting it all out. I sobbed and screamed so much my body shook, while Kara just sat holding me, never letting go. If I didn't have her with me, my life would've ended when my sons did. She keeps me going.

After I calmed down and we said goodbye to our little boy, we went home.

"Do you have work tonight?" I asked her. She told me she worked at a strip club a couple of weeks ago. When I asked why she didn't just tell me, she told me it was awkward and didn't want me to think less of her. Of course, it didn't change my view of her, it actually made me curious.

"Yeah, but I can take the night off if you want." She glanced at me before honking at the people in front of us for going too slow. I laughed.

"No, no, it's fine. I've actually been wondering... what if I worked with you at the club?" I hesitated.

She smiled, "Since when did you know how to dance around a pole?"

"Hey! I used to take gymnastics and dance before my parents kicked me out, so I know how to move." I defended myself.

"Yeah, yeah, okay. Come with me to the club tonight and have a look around. If you like the atmosphere then audition." I smiled at the thought of me and Kara working together. Ever since the accident, it's like I became dependant on her for everything and even though she didn't mind, it was embarrassing.

That night Kara got dressed into a short, very low-cut gold dress which she looked gorgeous in. Just in case I wanted to audition, she packed me a short black dress that was open at the hips so my black thong would show. It looked modest but so revealing at the same time.

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