56 Fifty Shades Of White

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                ~Raleigh's POV~

A Few Months Later

I sigh as I close one of the many wedding magazines that have somehow made their way all over my house. These past few months have been stressful with planning for the wedding. Liam and I had decided we wanted it September twenty-third of next year so we're trying to plan. With it almost being Thanksgiving, we have less than a year to hammer out the details.

Liam is getting annoyed with me; he claims I'm stressing him out. I probably am. I'm stressing myself out. I just want our wedding to be perfect. I have always dreamed of this moment ever since I was a child and now it's coming true. But it's stressful. I want it to meet my expectations. But the important thing is that I'm marrying the love of my life. I should be happy that I even get this because just a few years ago, I didn't think we would be here. And I should be satisfied that we are even getting married given everything we've done through but somehow that's not enough for me and it tares me apart just thinking about it.

"Raleigh?" I hear Liam call, snapping me out of my thoughts. I turn to see him leaning against our bedroom doorway, fidgeting with his father's wedding ring that sits on his right ring finger.

"Yes?"

"Do...do you still...want to...you know...get married?" He asks and I stare at him. Liam, the love of my life, stares at his finger as he fidgets with the wedding ring; too afraid to look at me. I instantly get up and his eyes lock with mine as I make my way over to him.

"It's okay if you changed your mind..." Liam whispers and I can tell by the way he looks at me that it would break his heart. I put my hands on each side of his face and lean in.

"Liam, I'm going to love you after my dying breath. I will never stop loving you. I can't stop loving you. I'm not capable enough to stop loving you. And I'm okay with that. More than okay. I meant it when I said I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I meant it then and I mean it now. I love you more than anything in this life. I can't wait for the moment when I say 'I do' and you'll be mine forever."

"Then why...why do I feel like you don't want this?" Liam puts his hands around my wrists and pulls my hands away from him. I let out a sigh and pull away.

"I do want this, Liam. But...and I'm going to sound awful for this...I want it to be perfect. I want it to be everything I have ever hoped for. I just want it to be perfect and it's killing me. I was hoping I could push that expectation away and you'd never know. Because...it shouldn't matter if our wedding is everything I have ever wanted because at least I'd be marrying you. And after everything, all the death, all the people missing, all the chaos...that should be enough. But...but it isn't and I hate it. I just hate it. I hate it so much." I explain and by the end I'm crying. Liam instantly pulls me in for a hug as I cry.

"Shhh. It's going to be okay, alright? We'll figure this out. I want this to be perfect for you too. It's okay. I want it to be perfect too. It's not awful. Shhhh. You're going to be okay."

       After a little bit of me crying and Liam promising that I'm going to be okay over and over again, I finally calm down enough to wipe my tears. How pathetic I am. I'm the worst fiancé on this planet. Yet, this man still loves me.

      "Princess, you already told me what you wanted for your wedding. I promise I'll make it perfect for you." Liam tells me and I shake my head.

     "But what do you want?"

     "I don't care, as long as I get to see your smiling face at the end of the aisle waiting for me and you say 'I do'; I don't care. That's all I want. For you to be happy and for you to marry me. That's it."

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