(Thirty-fifth chapter)
"Everything is a mess, everything."
Sowon chanted those words like they were a magical spell that could erase all troubles from her life. She knew it was no use to keep saying it but she couldn't stop.
It was over a week now.
More than a week since Sowon last saw or talked to Namjoon, almost ten days of no contact with Haneul after their huge break-off.
"Everything is a mess, everything."
She muttered for the hundredth time today before grabbing one of her cushions and hugged it tightly, leaning her face on it as she frowned.
Namjoon's last words from their argument re-entered her brain.
"Stop it Sowon. I understand you are mad at me and you have the right but stop bringing Hoseok all the time, you don't even like him. Why are you being so selfish without considering the thoughts of others as well?"
Tears threatened to spill from her eyes but she bit her lip, willing herself not to cry again. His words rang like an alarm in her head, sending off different flags and signal.
What did Namjoon mean by those words? Was he trying to say that she was selfish? That she was a heartless and stupid girl who didn't know what she wanted or whom to blame for her tragedies?
"Stop bringing Hoseok all the time, you don't even like him."
That line struck a chord inside her, snapping her old miserable self to life. Sowon loved Hoseok but she knew it was only for being her good friend all these past years.
She loved him for helping her, accompanying her when she was alone, being her only strength and the only reason why she was confident today. If he wasn't there to understand her, Sowon knew she would be already dead.
"Why are you being so selfish without considering the thoughts of others as well?"
She didn't know.
Whether it was because she was used to be happy with her only friend whose heart she broke, or because she was never taught to look past her pain.
"Am I...that bad?"
Sowon stood up, throwing the cushion back onto her bed. Sitting all day inside her room didn't help but she also couldn't go out because either she had to face Namjoon or be questioned by her parents.
Knock knock.
Sowon stiffened, not sure if she should open the door or answer the knock.
"Won-won?"
A gentle and elderly male's voice called out from the other side of the door which surprised her. Without wasting any time, Sowon opened the door.
"Dad?"
She saw her father standing there, with a small smile on his face.
"Come, take a walk with me."
Sowon wanted to deny but her father's eyes had so much love and concern in them that it made her weak as she nodded.
Mr Han walked down the stairs, leading them out of their house and Sowon was glad to see that no one was watching or judging her. She followed her father who began to slow down his pace to meet her's.
"Sowon, what is your favourite food?"
"I- don't know?"
Sowon didn't understand why her father was asking such random question to her when he already knew it. He smiled at her as they walked on the silent and calm streets outside their house.
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•𝐄𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞• ||「𝐾𝑁𝐽」
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