Ink Stains (MCYT Oneshots)

[R] Lose A Friend (Tommy & Tubbo)

(A/N: request as a pic. haha angst times :3 this is not c!tubbo bashing btw)

I lost a friend
Like keys in a sofa
Like a wallet in the backseat
Like ice in the summer heat

It started off slow, and subtle. Slow enough that Tommy hadn't realised it until it was too late. Subtle enough that he had been blind to it, pretending like everything was okay, until he couldn't pretend any longer.

It was the little things at first. Little things, like Tubbo having to cancel their plans one day because he was trying to find something for Michael. Little things, like Tubbo not texting him for a whole day because he was busy baking with Ranboo. Little things, like Tommy spending more and more time on the bench alone.

It was always the little things at first.

Then, it grew bigger. More fights, less talking. Tommy couldn't recall a time when he spent time with Tubbo freely and happily, without either Ranboo or Michael with them. He couldn't recall a time when it was just him and Tubbo anymore.

At some point, Tommy realised that he didn't know what Tubbo's favourite food was now.

At some point, their friendship had grown distant, grown tight, stretched to the point of snapping.

I know I'll be alright, but I'm not tonight
I'll be lying awake counting all the mistakes I've made
Replaying fights
I know I'll be alright, but I'm not tonight
I lost a friend, I lost a friend

Tommy fucked up again.

Luckily, it was a minor fuck-up. Or maybe unluckily, because every time Tommy fucked up, every time he accidentally said or did something he shouldn't have, he would always apologise with a gift, and Tubbo would always forgive him.

Tubbo would always forgive him, and his smiles would always grow more and more weary, more and more tired.

One day, he thought, this won't stick. One day, Tubbo would leave him to stay with his husband and his son in their perfect little family life, and Tommy would be all alone again.

(How many times would they be able to do this song and dance before the melody became irritating? How many times would this song and dance repeat until someone forcibly put a stop to it?)

I lost my mind, and nobody believes me
Say, "I know that he don't need me
'Cause he made a little too much money to be 20 and sad"

Tubbo didn't need him, not really. After all, he had all that he could ever want now: a loving husband with more than enough money and power to spare, a sweet son who would only ever look at him and Ranboo with adoration and love, a comfortable life in a cozy home that was warm and safe, and weapons that would be able to protect him whenever he needed.

He didn't need to waste time on useless things. He didn't need to waste time on people like Tommy.

Tommy, who was from a bunch of places and nowhere at all. Tommy, who could be considered one of the poorest people on the server. Tommy, who kept getting into trouble that he couldn't get himself out of, who kept making mistakes and being selfish and failing to help. Tommy, who couldn't help Tubbo, not when Tubbo already had everything that could help him.

Tommy, who was always so selfish.

(Tubbo didn't need a bad influence like him around. Especially not when he had a son to think about.)

I'm on the mend
Like I'm wearing a neck brace
Like I'm sleeping in my own place
Like I'm pulling all the stitches out of my own face

And, look, Tommy's trying, alright?

He was trying to be less selfish. Stop being clingy and trying to hog Tubbo's time, when Tubbo had more to care for now. He tried to distance himself, and yet...

It's... lonely.

It always got lonely.

(Once, when he'd asked Tubbo "What am I without you?", Tubbo's response was "Yourself."

And yet, now that he really was starting to be without Tubbo, Tommy was just no one. He didn't remember who he used to be. He couldn't remember who he used to be.

It's lonely.)

I'd apologize if I thought it might make a difference
Or make you listen
I'd apologise if it was black and white
But life is different
Just try to listen to me now

Tommy slid to his side of the bench, letting the disc he'd slid into the jukebox play. The other side of the bench was empty, as it always was recently.

Today, Tubbo cancelled their plans again. Michael had fallen sick, and while Ranboo was out gathering medicine, he had to stay by Tubbo's side, make sure that Michael wouldn't die.

Tommy didn't blame it on him for not remembering what today was. He couldn't blame it on him. He had nobody to blame it on except himself.

Slowly, the clouds darkened as the music faded, and then, it poured.

Tommy choked out a bitter laugh, as the rain poured, hiding the tears streaming down his face as raindrops. He sat curled up, as the seat beside him was left empty.

(It was the anniversary of the bench's making. Every year, they'd spend it sitting on this bench, and listening to the music. Every year but this one.)

He truly was destined to be alone, wasn't he?

And I'll be fine without 'em
But all I do is write about 'em
How the hell did I lose a friend I never had?
Never had