Ink Stains (MCYT Oneshots)

Too Young (SBI)

(A/N: in celebration of finally posting my alien tommy + human sbi fic (which is Elliptical: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32145529) i have decided to write this little non-canon ficlet for that au! so yeah. if you enjoy reading about sbi in space you might like my fic, so please check it out!)

"Wow," Theseus says. "You're so young, oh Prime-"

"Us? I think you mean you're young," the fluffy one shoots back. "You're, what, sixteen? Bordering seventeen? Or is it fifteen? That's young."

This is one of the most common cultural clashes that Theseus knows of: ages. Different planets and species have different ways of calculating ages, and what might be considered young to one species would be considered old to another. Sometimes, certain species don't even calculate their ages, just deciding based on how their appearance is, or certain behavioural patterns, which is arguably a worse way of deciding how old someone should be in order to do a certain occupation.

It's why every official document travelling in inter-planetary ways need a label of species or planet beside what they might label as their age.

It's no wonder the humans think he's young if they're translating his terms to their terms. Translation doesn't work like that, but it's not like they would know, so Theseus just lets it go, just this once.

They should probably learn the etiquette of asking over ages, though. He doubts they'd be able to head back to Earth any time soon, and if they want to be able to have their freedom and explore the outside, they'd need to be able to prevent themselves from accidentally being rude and starting a war or two.

Which has happened way too often in the past, due to some beings who think that they are above such 'trivial matters', not realising that they can easily be eradicated when they insult the wrong species, because they are absolute idiots-

Oh, right. He should probably reply to the humans now, since they're just kind of staring at him. Has he really been thinking for that long?

"Well my species' moon rotations are different to your moon rotations," Theseus huffs. "You said that, what? Thirteen moon rotations growing into another number? For me, it's two moon rotations for a single number. My number of having been through 213 moon rotations means I'm much older than you. So yeah, you're very young."

The horror on the humans' faces would be funny in any other situation. It still is, except it's mostly blocked by Theseus' own horror and his ongoing internal screaming of 'oh PRIME they are YOUNG ONES they are SO YOUNG how do they move what in the actual Prime who let this go on how are they so YOUNG THEY ARE SO YOUNG this is not good I don't know how to take care of young ones how did they get out here wait would they even be considered young ones on their planet probably not actually I shouldn't judge based on moon rotations but they looks so much like me why is it so HARD oh Prime they must be so traumatised they need to get actual sustenance in them how do they look so not young-'

"That would still mean we're much older than you," the broad one scoffs. "Seeing as we'd have technically been through more-"

"Not how it works," Theseus interrupts. "Ages are calculated locally. As in, if your age is a certain number in your species, that's your age for every other species. You can't translate it like you would with languages. So yes, you're still very young, and you need way more sustenance in you. What do humans eat again?"

The humans still look startled by his sudden rant, which, well, he supposes it's warranted. Theseus has had several moon rotations' worth of etiquette trained into him already, and he's had way too much experience with repeating this same speech to several other beings and crowds.

Or maybe they're startled by his sudden topic change? It's more realistic for it to be that reason.

Whatever the reason, Theseus waits patiently until the short one turns to him and says, "Just some water and..."

"Oh, right, I never told you what was on my ship," Theseus says distractedly, already moving away and making a mental note to get some dihydrogen monoxide and whatever sustenance he has available based on what he knows from both the Galactic Council's public reports and whatever not-so-public reports Tubbo has dug up. "I'll come back in a bit; try not to move around too much, otherwise your wounds will open back up... or something..."

With a quiet sigh, Theseus starts heading towards the storage room. He really hopes this pays off for him, and that he doesn't accidentally kill the humans. He might have to hurry to get the sustenance, though; surely the CarboDrapes would be a good kind of sustenance for the humans, since it is similar to their 'bread'.

He probably shouldn't keep getting distracted with his own thoughts. His incubation period would be starting soon, and it would be stupid of him to just fall asleep in a hallway when he's perfectly safe and able to go back to his resting room.